6:15pm on Wednesday September 29th 2010
One quick entry… just  a thought or two… about honesty and integrity… both in men and women… 

 I pose a quick question.. would you ever lie or harm someone’s life to benefit your own?… your children’s? or  to gain something for yourself?

I have actually come face to face with evil  people who would sell out  anyone’s life  to better their own… or in the worst case scenario.. would actually harm anyone’s life to better their own..

I don’t understand how they think or really how they operate.. they must have a moment where they have a choice of either helping or harming a person.. or a person’s life.. and somehow they choose to take the wrong path… how do they sleep at night?… I don’t understand ….  when confronted with a choice to do good or evil these people choose evil… is it that they have never been caught?… or faced the consequences.of their actions?.. could they  possibly not have one shred of decency… no ethics or morals to speak of… no remorse.. or just  no conscience?…  these women or men must be void of every bit of human compassion.. or existence… I mean can you call a person who has no ethics no morals or values.. who  indiscriminately goes around and harms people… can you really call them human if they have no soul?  If anyone has any reason why someone would choose to harm a person… please let me know…I don’t get it… at all…   

Before meeting the only evil I have ever met in my life… I was so innocent, so sweet, and I guess that left me a bit gullible… and naive… but i was always surrounded by the most amazing friends and family and through their love and guidance…. i really had no harm in my life… i must take this opportunity to thank them for all the love and guidance they provided me my entire life… it was actually like walking around with a ton of guardian angels… who rally wanted me to be happy and to know the more positive and loving  side of life… it was great! 

Back to the women who lie to get what they want … can you believe that there are some women out there who will put on a complete false front… ie.. fake… and lie about their likes and dislikes just to get a guy… and even go to the extreme of actually harming any girls they might consider “competition” just to harm their reputation.. and  thus make themselves look better… how horrid.. Right? 

I actually babysat  for a little girl who actually stole money from her sister.. then lied to me about it until she thought she was going to be caught by the use of a video camera..  she did not tell the truth… and lied like a professional criminal… and the girl was like 7 years old….  I was shocked…. to say the least… so here is another question.. are these horrid girls created?.. or born?… is evil a part of a personality… or developed when these girls are not punished for the wrong they cause or the harm they cause?…. Take for example a bully …..on the phone…  or face to face… If face to face would they be as hurtful or damaging… if they knew the harm they caused?… would they jump up and down … in joy… or would they actually feel some type of sympathy… or compassion…  in the case of two people I’ve referred to in this blog entry ad others… these people who i met face to face….I now believe them to be pure evil… they got sheer pleasure out of harming or stealing or damaging people’s lives… 

…… for me.. I WOULD NOT harm someone else to get something for myself…  I actually believe that people who manipulate others for their own gain…  are on the bottom of the food chain… very bottom…  but then I don’t lie or cheat or steal.. I also don’t believe in doing  drugs or ever  indulging in  alcohol….

So….back to the  Gingerbread man qualities.. I would not want someone who would lie or cheat or steal… or who has ever been to jail….

or would not want  someone who had or has ever had a drug problem or alcohol problem…  i am  not interested in anyone with any mental deficiencies…  or many issues or problems…

If that doesn’t  sound  politically correct i am sorry but i know what i want.. and what i don’t want to deal with… in a relationship in a marriage or in my life. …   i do believe in  helping  people…  in fact i think “the giving list”  by Warren Buffet and Bill Gates is amazing… though  most of the giving is for health care and education… if i can remember correctly… and not many provisions for giving monies to businesses..  which when you think of it Warren Buffet and Bill  Gates both gave that speech at Columbia Business School…. ( if you haven’t seen the interview.. check it out… i think it was on CNBC or MSNBC) if i remember correctly… Erin was the interviewer…

Also… think about the Member’s Project…by American express.. or even the Pepsi Project... both amazing  contests… and support such wonderful and great causes/ ideas…. and   organizations..

I  always thought by helping people with creating a business…  these same people following their passions… and creating commerce… in some way or other… that it will instill more avenues for creating passion in others.. business ideas.. and more revenue for our economy… to me allowing people to follow their passion int a career path… just is exciting… maybe because i was able to have the opportunity to take a hobby ( art) and with a lot of patience.. of direction and faith from my family and friends… I was able to take a hobby and turn it into a business … a business mind you that no one thought I was capable to doing… at least that is how they thought of my ideas… “my plan”.. and my business… but as I mentioned before in a previous blog… I actually won the favor of not only my clients and some really neat and wonderful designers.. but i was able to have wonderful sisters and friends and family who became my biggest fans…   so much for my faux painting business… M&M DECORATIVE  PAINTING…  guess that is why i am so encouraging for others to pursue their dreams… not only can they achieve  their dreams.. they can know the sheer pleasure of fulfilling their destiny… and hopefully go on to help others follow their dreams… wouldn’t that make such a nice almost “pay it forward” type situation?….  what have you done for someone else today?… have you harmed anyone? or helped anyone?…  how about this question… if you died today… and at the gates of heaven.. what would be the comment from t.  Peter?…..from ….God?…

Its now 9:pm and I need to put in a wonderful page /entry about my mother! she saw the entry where I was speaking about my father.. and I think she may have felt a bit hurt… so I will write or actually rewrite what I wrote in a Mother’s Day card to her in 2008…  and again in a wonderful keepsake of thanks and memories of growing up book… I highly recommend everyone fill on out for their parents and loved ones… it is a book with questions where you get to remember all the amazing experiences and memories  that create a relationship and a family…  

“Dearest Mom… its not just one day a year where you are appreciated-

 You have been my mother for (now i am 44 but when this was originally written i was 42… years) each page in this memory book will give you a brief glimpse into the amount of love, devotion and admiration I hold for my mother….

Dearest Mom, I can’t begin to tell you the amount of love, devotion, trust and friendship I have for my Mother… you were my mentor into the world of business, style, grace and poise… you were laughter, smiles, hugs, and home… you were feelings of safety, security, and unconditional love! you were strength when I was weak or frightened you were my friend.. one of my best friends…

My Mom, my movie and shopping companion, my religious backbone and even my fellow cooking “experimenter”  You  taught me about etiquette, style, grace and necessities… like manicures, pedicures, tasteful living and all the wonders and beauty life could offer..

You gave me life enhancing experiences, world travel, connections to amazing and influential people..

You encouraged me to live the best life possible and to be the best person possible… you were fun talented and I admired you and loved you more than you will ever know…

May your Birthday, Mother’s Day and all holidays.. bring you as much happiness /love and gifts as you have given others…( and throughout my life your generous gift giving heart /soul allowed you to give A LOT!…

May God bless and protect you, may your future be prosperous/fun/joyful/easy and filled with laughter and love…may you be surrounded by friends, family and love.. may all your dreams and wishes come true.. every wish .. may God grant you the millions you deserve, the peace and prosperity you are entitled to and the love… unconditional love of all around you…
Happy Mother’s Day  
Love,
Mary Jean Ziska 
 PS.   I bought the memory book at the Ritz Carlton beach resort before taking you and Scott to the Tiburon Ritz for mother’s day brunch… brunch… then cake and presents at my place after wards.. I hope you will always remember what a wonderful Mother’s Day we all had together!
All my love, Mary Jean Ziska  “

 Just went to the movie last night…not actually night time… but 5pm seating…. took my mother to go and see WALLSTREET! wonderful, amazing, GREAT!  I actually own the first movie so we watched the DVD the day before when she came over and was looking at homes in my complex… I suggest everyone do the same.. really…. you pick up so many little connections  when you see the first film the  day before….It was GREAT!  Seeing all the appearances  of everyone from CNBC…. or MSNBC…  even warren buffet … terrific… I may actually go and see it again.   The father daughter relationship/ the relationship between all the characters and each other… relationship with money… concepts.. not of greed.. but of revenge… or justice… or money providing freedom and power to accomplish both… ? The bubbles… at the beginning and the ending… did you catch that?… just loved it… all of it…  the cell phone differences.. hilarious…! at the beginning of the movie… i personally think  Gordon actually looked a bit like Maddoff don’t you think? 

If anyone has seen it… what did you think?

Went to a Great movie theater  to see WALLSTREET…. Silverspot… Great display of Mercedes by the tickets… cream and tan… great seats… great experience… ! they will be hosting the international film festival… or at least they did .. and there were signs up around Mercado… don’t know the exact dates… but should be great!.. they even had or still have foreign films … went to go see a movie about coco Chanel… with Saks fifth ave (Chanel) .. …. they  had great hordorivers… loved seeing the film in french… loved it so much I now  actually own a DVD of the film…  what was my point.. oh yes… great movie theater and great films…. cant wait for the film festival… should be wonderful!

BAck to Wall street…..and….. Professional Men in great suits… or in a tux… always look amazing… so that is one more item to add to the gingerbread list… I understand florida is casual… but to be able to dress and be well dressed says something about a man’s character… about his style… about his personal taste… mostly that he has style and taste… and class… perhaps along with manners… charm….

For another item to add….  I’ve heard that the way a man treats his mother or sisters is a big clue as to how he will treat his wife or daughters… like my dad… loved his mother.. was really great to her… and she loved him…  and it goes without saying that my dad was great with his daughters… he encouraged us to follow our passions…. to be happy and I believe he really believed that if you found joy and passion in your work  you would never work a day…

I think my father took the opportunity to get to know each of us as adults and I know when I had my own business at one point in time he was my biggest fan!( I actually think he was pretty proud of me). It would be great to meet someone who has a great relationship with his family… holidays and vacations could be really nice when everyone gets along! 
 
I  know my father  is  really proud of my sister’s accomplishments (who is a real estate  attorney)… she was born to be an attorney… wrote a letter to santa claus when we were young stating that he was unfairly giving better presents to me(HA!)or more presents… don’t remember the exact words… ( she might HA!) but had our youngest sister sign it and  to top it off… it was typed!….

I even wrote in my Eharmony piece about my sisters… of how they were not only my best friends but i wrote of how much i admired them… both wonderful women both unique individuals  and both I am so proud of them as people, professionals, and as my sisters…. maybe i’ll copy the quote… ( one more item to test on go daddy….!)   copy and post option…. enough for the moment….luv mary jean ziska   
 

 9:18 am …. maybe by putting in the time I can figure out when and how this blog thing is logging out?… one man told me it was supposed to log out after 10 minutes of unused time… one woman told me that it will log out after 30 minutes…. either way the logging is not supposed to happen on its own.. and there is supposed to be an automatic save that should have saved any if not all of my entries… so we still don’t know how my password cannot work on the bog in question.. how the logging out by itself is not working and how the auto save is not working….. So, the start of a Saturday and still no help for the blogging… on the movie Julie and Julia there were no problems with her blog! but trying a new internet provider to see if it was internet explorer that wasn’t working…. question???????… does anyone  know about Skype???????  is it possible for one person to actually be skyping two people at the same time?or is there is some type of software attached that will allow videos to be taken… so if one person is just watching a video instead of being able to speak with the real person… how would that work?????  

So new favorite song… king of anything… by sarah b.  I LUV IT! can really relate to it… if someone thinks they are able to do anything they want to your life… that your opinions don’t matter.. your wants and needs don’t matter… like…. say you want and like Gucci,  Armani and Burberry and some evil girl wants you to have items from walmart and target because she is evil and just wants to have nice items…and since she doesn’t care about you like friend.. like a sister would or like anyone who actually cares about you would … she decides that left overs are good enough.. hey wait…….hold on a minute… this sounds strikingly like Cinderella… except that Cinderella did get to have some animal friends..in the Disney version HA!… and somehow she kept her cool when she was being made to clean  and put the cinders in the fireplace right? HA!

(wow… in this version… i can actually copy and i will try  to see if I can paste… and so far so good.. no automatic log outs… and its already 9:29am… over the ten minute mark !  so now i need to see if i am able to have an auto save work… if that works then I am back in business… GREAT! I performed spell check… and no log outs from doing that… and now 9:39am… think i will go and get a cup of tea and see if unattended for a few minutes will cause a problem… i cant imagine that it actually logs out after 10 minutes.. 30 minutes sounds  more like it… but what do i know… how is that  gorilla trade commercial go?….right now I can remember the Scott trade commercial… about the 7 dollar trades… but that is
because i watch a lot of channel 37 and 40 here in Florida… that is cnbc and msnbc….  her goes.. leaving for a few minutes lets see what happens….)

so new topic…
what about those girls who pretend to be your friends.. who pretend to have “your back” but in fact they manipulate you to make sure they get the guy…. what about them?… they are all around .. you may have met them… in elementary school… but they were after your seat… or your best friend.. or wanted something you had.. and instead of being happy for your great fortune.. they decided to instead…have the same thing or by taking yours… your …..your what you may ask.. it doesn’t matter these types of girls will take anytime they want… and without a thought of your feelings or your wants desires.. or how it will affect you… they will continue to do it until they are stopped…

wait this sounds strikingly like a bully…. someone who harms another with out any feeling of compassion… .. or conscious…  the problem is these little girls will grow up to be some of the meanest and selfish women you will ever know…  and they will never care about other human beings… they will never allow someone to be happy with an item if they think that they could be happier with it…  they think that they should have it all… and granted that is a great way to want to create goals… dreams… but not at the expense of other human beings….  luv mary jean ziska

of back to cinderella…

So Does anyone know anything  about go daddy? Spoke with Chris from Arizona and guess what he told me… that  while I was writing .. it shouldn’t be blogging out… but  guess what… it is… so go figure… once more… a simple and pleasurable part of my life destroyed    possible reasons… could be someone on my account… because I don’t log back into my blog… and it was set up over the phone… or something to do with my  server…. but since it never happened before Sept. 11th… just weird…. 

 1 am…I’m a bit frustrated … I  get to write in my word document and then copy and paste my words… pretty @#$^^*&…..HA!

Not as bad as when I mentioned karen kahel  in an email to the bank where she  had worked…and how she trespassed  and bullied me when she was in my  complex ….repercussions  of  that will and have affected my life and my business…  and my accounts at the bank she used to work  …..
 
So as not to end this post with a horrid ending…ie (mentioning a horrid girl)  here is a great quote..
“If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours ”  Henry David Thoreau …
To all dreams coming true!

I think there may be two blogs… I went to go and type back in and log back in and it wouldn’t let me log in! so now all need to so is find out where are my posts… hopefully they are kept…. ( post post …ha..no i never did find any of the post that were lost.. and it took many hours on the phone and emails with go daddy to rectify the situation of not only the disapearing posts… but the non-saving of the posts as well… shesh… guess when you have one issue… you never know what else can develope… i will hope and pray that is all… luv mary jean ziska

well it is official… once again my blog post (that I started about an hour ago )  was not saved… no auto save at all… Uggg again frustrating.. and I was just getting into writing …

 well another late night call to the help people.. I  got a  message via email  from the help and it just  told me…..

 “not to worry that everything will be saved because we have “auto” save in go daddy”

… somehow mine  is not working! HELP! but the funny part… OK it is kinda funny for a while… then it  it is so frustrating  trying to tell someone what is happening … ( the posts not auto saving...) and then have a person  who is genuinely trying to help… tell you that

him:  ” Well, it is not supposed to be doing that..”
me:  ” yes… that is why i am calling you… it is not responding the way it should…”  and the conversation continues…
him: no it should be auto saving… 
me: but its not…
him: but it should be 
me: but I’m trying to explain its not…..

so maybe it is the amount of words? no it didn’t save even one word… o.k. so now what… i am actually thinking that it must be two blogs… so I guess  I will have to either write out everything in long hand..or in word save and hopefully when I post it I will have my writings back… weird..

Its like I am in some alternate blog… with a  fake me  getting some posts… and the real me…not getting the posts…  but the real me… me…. mary jean ziska is getting the raw end of this since the impostor is stealing not only my posts…  it feels more like my identity.. because it is  my words.. and moments from my life…  my life… uggg..

in real life.. its like when I had  my driver’s license stolen in 2005 with credit cards for a month…  its such a pain..trying to solve the situation….. if there was a “fake”person… getting the posts… or just identity theft situation…  wow..  can you imagine how much trouble some girl will be in when she is found out to be the fraud!HA!
but lets  just hope that the person  who set up my bog screwed up and somehow  made a double…  or there is some very simple explanation!

 So its actually 8:53pm and I am a bit nervous about writing… i am in full alert… waiting for my blog to log out before I have finished.. or some other drama to occur…. so lets see if we can save and write… and have just a normal experience with the blogging for today…   doesn’t look like it may be happening … the fonts and the size of the fonts will not stay …. wait maybe I have fixed it… for now anyway… .

  
I started this great blog entry and this is the third time I was rudely logged out…. not of my own choice and lost all of what I had written…. in a way the written word is like this possession… like a work of art… granted it doesn’t have to be a great work of art but it is yours… and no two are alike… so each and every time I have begun to write I cannot duplicate what I wrote before… is it better for the chance to start all over with no notes.. no reference to what was written before.. NO …

I can tell you honestly… today my frustration level is just at its wits end… after speaking with  people for my phone company since September 10th… and nothing  being done or changed … no criminals being caught… no fraudulent calls or spoofing being taken seriously and  being taken care of…care of… must tell you i was looking forward to sitting down and just being able to jot down a few thoughts …. 

 i think usually the first time when you write something  the freshness of your written words are nice… especially when it is like a journal.. your flowing thoughts (that not only mimic your speaking or your internal thoughts) but they are unedited… I don’t mean unedited in spelling or grammar… but in the manner you are able to express your ideas…its like exposing your soul… anyway… I love what I had written… and it just feels stolen when it is unceremoniously deleted and not saved 

I have been trying everything to save them …..First I tried to wait until I was finished writing… and when working the essay for 9/11 I was in the middle of correcting it before it logged me out and didn’t save one single word!  wait actually it did save  a portion of what I had written….. it almost seems like it is doing it on purpose….. did anyone ever see Larry David.. when someone  almost snapped off his nose…. anyway… so lets try it for the third time this evening … it is now midnight… and no saved blog entries from 10 or 11 pm… but when I started to first write at 9:45pm… the first few words were saved….  strange don’t you think?… in case it gets lost i will write a brief outline…here goes

 1. blogs are disappearing … cant save them… help! feel like Carrie Bradshaw in sex in the city… when she lost her words… computer crashed
on phone with tec. person concerning disk space… and now problem is worse… thought photo album would change disk space… next tec person… had me delete copies of my website Anyone know if that will fix the problem?   
2.  tried saving  before editing but didn’t work ..  lost 3 entries already today! today and on Sept 11 Th so many spelling errors and typos will exist until I can get to correct them … old key board and keys stick….. painful to type really…
3. miss writing… need passion in life… creativity… art classes… working with great designer for CEO of Burberry…. work within  passion dad philosophy isn’t work… fun life when you have passion …. great and loving dad ….school in France dad…
4. mom travel business woman working overseas starting business in county where couldn’t even drive amazing woman/ taught me all is possible
5. disagree that  hardship… and torment or horrid experiences make you stronger..or gives you character 
6.  living safe country… Saudi Arabia … growing up in ARAMCO community … no crime capital punishment allowed me opportunity to flourish… without worry amazing childhood! 
7.  song… who made you king of anything...?  written by whom?  insert song… 
8.  people are better.. and more of who they are  when they are allowed to not only be them selves but become the best of them selves… “be all you can be” ……
 
its now 12:14 am… on phone with tec person until 3am… very tired!  and very disappointing … not being able to write…  and save …  

So back for another post… maybe I should start twittering…HA!… what a horrid day…  the lost blog post that I desperately tried to recreate.. but isn’t exactly what I had originally written… and trying to fix one thing after another… was very tiring…  just I guess a sad day…

did walk on the treadmill and watched a bit of serendipity… yes a chick flick…. questions of destiny.. of fate…of not only meeting someone.. but of choices verses what is meant to happen… 

the gingerbread man story… all based on faith… on a knowing that a person’s life has a purpose and meaning.. of meeting that special someone is destiny… inevitable… that all things happen for a reason…
 
But I can’t for the life of me figure out why on earth these past 7- 8 years have happened…  why did 9/11 happen?  can’t figure it out at all….not at all… so today while questioning why criminals are free.. why bully girls who went to Ohio state… ..  actually bully and harm others on purpose…  why bad things happen to great and nice people…  all i can say is it does not make any sense… bad experiences do not make you stronger… they change you…  

Its like the poem of children learn what they live… one action creates a reaction… and depending on the action … like kindness or love will definitely  give a reaction much different than, bulling and lies, …  

Though I have been saying my novena for one year and one month… i have no answers… and no prayers  for financial miracles have been answered yet…or anyone on the list of people i have included who have asked for prayers… no one has mentioned that their lives have been astronomically blessed… so today… my faith is a bit weak…   

 One thing I did want to mention… that I believe a person is allowed to be free in America … to date whomever they want…  right? is it reverse discrimination when someone wants to meet a clean cut normal professional guy who wears blue blazers and khaki pants?… who may actually own a tuxedo… may have manners… be brought up as a gentleman… today I was discussing this with a stranger,… who told me that ted bundy wore a blue blazer and khaki pants… in the attempt of trying to persuade me from ever wanting what I want to find in a guy… i happened to mention that since 14 and at boarding school… boys from other schools would come to dances in their ties.. their blazers and pressed pants… that I am allowed to want to date the type of person with whom I feel comfortable…. someone who could go out to dinner …. and yes I am attracted to white Caucasian men… and blue or light eyes… and light hair… would be great…   I am sure everyone out there has their preference… maybe someone they dated in high school became the type of woman they now like… and I want to go on the record for saying there is nothing wrong with that…  and those strangers who are neither friend or family… are allowed to have their opinions… but I am allowed to want what I want as well… so please no comments about how I am not allowed to want the type of guy I feel comfortable dating… or the type of guy I am looking for thank you for respecting my wishes… and if you want to be my friends I would think you would want me to be happy…   luv mary jean ziska