I always wrote letters and cards… and my mom saved and entire bin of them  but one year her friend carol and her i was told went  through a bunch of her things and wither put them away or gave them away to someone … so this is about the only letter i have left from my time at  school in Cap Dail… i always wonder if the same imposter who took my baby blanket  or my pictures  of my backpacking in Europe… or even if she took all the  dolls  that i collected throughout  my childhood  of all  the places we traveled… ( i only have my dutch doll and my german hummel dolls…)  anyway.. since last week some girl or boy stole a bunch of my sor. date function pictures.. from college… and since these same ruthless and horrible  girls will pretty much take and steal anything they want I  thought I‘d better make sure I had some type of back up for more of my life that i don’t want these girls to steal…. so a few memorabile letters.. emails.. and probably about everything on my college wall… will somewhere be on this website…  these scummy people think that if they steal these bit sand pieces of my life… then …. well i actually cant assume to think anything like them.. they are criminals… who have no concept of right or wrong.. and they are really the lowest form of parasites possible… organisms that feed off others…  the sad thing is one day something will happen to them.. call it karma.. or god or justice.. but one day they will have to be held culpable for their actions… I cant wait for that day…. I pray everyday for  for the day when they feel the hand of justice on their lives… I pray it is soon… 

I   am still really upset about the pictures…. and still really upset about  the bin of cards.. and my  baby blanket and the pictures from my backpacking… or even my entire living  overseas experience…

Its the  weirdest  thing… these “scummy  wanna be girls” from where ever…. like ohio state.. or new jersey.. or god only knows who I am being mixed  up with  again..  they go out of their way to try to  or want me  to appear to be uncultured.. to not have traveled.. to not have any class or taste… and basically keep trying to  ruin my life…  I am not saying i am perfect. or even close.. I just want to be able to be me… if i want to watch joel Osteen and order a dvd i am free to do that .. i am also free to go to catholic mass.. and to even go shopping and like and want to have nice classic styles… or good quality merchandise..  If i don’t  want to drink alchol… or dont feel like embarasing myself at a bar… I am 44 years old… and i can choose my own  life .. my own friends … my own mentors… quit trying to manipulate my life… I’m sure your little “princesses”  will be able to snag or catch which ever boy they have decided to  catch…  just quit ruining my  life……

 I never did anything to any of these girls…they used me like some pet they could manipulate…… someone they have a right to  manipulate… which they don’t… i never tried to make anyone look bad… and never said anything bad about anyone until karen kahel  bullied me… 

iI  never did anything to any of these girls… who take it upon themselves to lie and cheat and steal…. do they think they are above the law? or the freaks who aren’t actually genuine.. and play games.. with my  life… who do they think  they are?  Instead of choosing to make  lives better… their  insistence of lowering my lifestyle.. my goals.. my wishes and my dreams… well i must say it is really rotten… 

Could they be that  insecure to make others look bad to try to make themselves look good? … I mean their lives must have had something that was unique.. or origional.. I mean maybe they aren’t artistically inclined.. or have never traveled or never lived over seas.. or went to boarding school… SO WHAT>>>>so what if you can’t create a business…..

But you shouldn’t have  to steal other peoples work… i mean its not something i would  ever do.. but since these girls show no grasp of the entire morals and values.. and eithics …. it must be something they learned in childhood..right? . the bullies who continue to feel small and only feel powerful when they can pick on someone … or i guess steal from  someone..  I am pleading to you rotten and horrid girls and boys… please don’t pass these horrid traits onto your children… you bullies make the world a horrid place to  live… and  one day all the lies you tell will eventually catch up with  you… Of course i personally  hope the laws that you break.. (you know) verifiable laws that protect us….  tresspassing,,, stealing… i hope they catch up with  you sooner than later… and perhaps while you are sitting in jail you may just  get  a chance to  think of what you have done to others… but sadly…  maybe you wont actually amend your ways…  until it happens to you..or your children… or some one you actually love.. that is if you have the capacity to love..or feel anything for anyone but yourselves.. which may not be the case… anyway…..  then you will start to think of how others were harmed by your actions.. who knows maybe you will even feel remorse.. but that may be asking far to much for the likes  of you….. . 

But what i dont understand is why these scummy parasites…why they  can’ t leave those of us who have … had a great life… why can’t you stop ruining our lives  and just  put all your energy on  trying to  get that special guy to actually like you..by knowing who you are really are.. no lies.. not being fake… or the con artist/actors you really are….or the you . that you are pretending to be…Who knows.. maybe somewhere in that nasty and vile person that you are today which has to lie and cheat and steal… maybe somewhere… lerks a decent person…
(I seriously doubt it.. but who knows?????????????????????????????????????) 
  
Final note…   I want all my possessions back…. i want  all the lettters… the clothing the jewlery… the cards the baby blanket… the pictures.. i want it all back and i will not  rest and will not stop trying  to make sure justice  is done until  you are found…  prosecuted for your crimes.. and items are returned… I mean really girls.. get your own life… it couldn’t have been that horrible ?

Anyway here is the letter i wrote October 03, 1984
Dear Mom, Mattie, and Maura,
I got your letters today with Jennifer’s address and letter inside.  Thank you very much! Today was the second day of classes and it’s pretty difficult since I’m going to be her for three months I may switch down to a little easier level and review everything, I’ve learned before. 

I’ve really met some nice  people her that i’m sure I’ve told you about .  Lucie and i have become great friends and do lots of things together. Last night was a blast! 
Wee went down to Cap Dail to have some hot coco at this little cake called Edmonds and met claes and Thomas there! These are the e tow swedish guys that I’ve met.  They are so nice and thomas is super cute. Lucie really likes Thomas but last night he was really a big flirt and I was flirting right back!  If they come to Florida for x-mas do you think we could house them  for a few days before they go onto houston- they are very nice and I’m sure they would not be a bother because right now they are working an d helping out this guy jean.  they are so much fun and I’ve already said yes can they come and stay for a while? Please? I know you would like them! thanks!

The brunch does sound like a huge success! Its too bad there weren’t  that many people- but 55 is a lot- your just used used to the huge turnouts they had in saudi!  when you write to him (father watrin ) please tell him I said hello and helen and everyone o.k.? 

maura told me about the birthday party- sounded like great fun!  

I tried calling Sylvie and i got his French lady who said i had the wrong number or osmething.  I think i shall try again soon because I would like to see her. Ive met a very nce girl named Lucie and she reminds me a lot of sylvie infact I almos tgot her names mixed up a few times.  We are really a lot alike and hae gret fun traveling and exploring.  

On sunday we walked to Monaco toether! it was terrific- First off htere are some really nice gilrs one is from teh states new yourk and went to school at Andover- please ask Maura who we know from the at school- i know we do but i cant fo rthe life of me remember who!  Anyway she’s nice I asked her and her roomate to join  us and they did.   So we trucked it on over and split up after a while and Lucie and I went along!  It was a blast becaue we are really a lot alike its funy because we are always spotting the same cute guys! Anyway, just  ater we split up we started watching a race  and I saw Anna Polk for saudi arabia- she ws pretty skinny dressed very nice and had part of her blond/white hair dyed black- she said tootie left saudi and she was stil  in schoolin switserland and spending eh wekend in monaco.. how feaky i dont know if she rememvbered my name i dont think so. I’m not sure if she really knew who i was!  Ha! then we ran into Lucies’ next door neighbors who wer supposed to be in Germany! Ha!  wait.. then as we were walking along te side walk this mercades pulls up wiht these tow older guys and they invite us to go out and have drinks they were pretty disgusting so we polietly declined their offer- as we kept walking we sw oneof the Monaco soccar players that we had met at the disco the night before ( but that is an entirely different story I’ll tell you later ) anyway, he told us a good place to get hot chocolat and we went We wer wearing shorts but looked very nice and even go into the ecasino ( where your not allowed unless your 21 yars old HA!)
The cafe de paris was really filled wo we wnt to go and hve lunch at anothe cafe that Luci knew about- as we were walking we saw this super cute guy that i thoguth was probably french I guess i said hi to him but i cant rememer – we went to the cafe and sat down and 5 minutes later guess who shows up .. this cute guy with a friend 
and       

a card to my mother:  
Dearest mom, I can’t begin to tell you the amount of love, devotion, faith , trust and friendship I have for my mother… you were my mentor into the world of business, style, grace,  and poise..you were laughter, smiles, hugs and home,…you were feelings of safety, security, and unconditional love! 
You were my strength when i was weak, or frightened you were my friend, my mother- my movie and shipping companion- my religious backbone and a fellow cooking “experimenter” you taught me about etiquette,  style, manicures, pedicures, tasteful living and all the  wonder and beauty life could offer- you gave me life enhancing expediences, world travel, connections to amazing  and influential people ….You encouraged me to live the best life possible and  be the best person possible – you were fun talented, and i admired and loved you more than you will ever know!  May your life and birthday bring you as much happiness/love and gifts as you have given to others…may God protect you may your future be prosperous fun joyful easy and filled with laughter love and may you be surrounded with friend family and gave all your dreams and wishes came true- Every wish.. may God grant you the millions you deserve the peace and prosperity you are entitled to and the love unconditional love of all  around you! All my luv mary jean ziska   


Card to my dad: 
This day could come and go  without having the opportunity to thank you and tell you how much I appreciate having you as a father.. But I couldn’t let that happen.. so here goes… 
Growing up with so many advantages, opportunities and blessings was definitely in part due to your wise choices, and our concern for  you family.
You were bigger than life , stronger than Hercules, smarter than anyone i had ever met, and as handsome as a prince, as a little girl you were my strength.. I looked up to you when you were big and I was small.. you were my hero!… 
you taught me to drive a car, conquer math, you instilled in us a sense of honesty, integrity, and the knowledge of how a gentleman treats a lady.  You were witty and funny and seemed to know how to do everything I was constantly amazed.  
The times you were there to help me…
To help me get settled in college when i had an apt for the first time, to get settled in school in France when i went to school there in Cap Dail.. your letters to me when i was in boarding school… the time you spent listening to my dreams, and believing in me.. in talent I never knew I had… in dreams i never knew could come true… all the while providing us with everything.. YOU WERE & ARE THE BEST!
being father’s day you’ve heard it a million times.. but here s one more.. Thank You and Happy Father’ Day…
…Dad, I cant wait for the day you walk me down the isle, hold my children in you arms and watch yet another generation learn from their parents… I can’t wait to go to you for advice and see the pride in your eyes when a grandchild of yours is able to appreciate you as much as i have….. Dad I love you with al my heart, luv your first born daughter, mary Jean ziska   

Card to my sister maura at  her baby shower:
Dearest Maura, the entire experience of pregnancy is just about to end and int this world will come forth a joy , a child to be cherished, loved and well cared for by you and Eric- I couldn’t imagine choosing better parents for your little miracle ! you will make an excellent mom and your little miracle will want  for nothing.. the best parents.. location… schools.. friends.. and best life possible is awaiting her future – May she be as well loved as you are by your friends/family/acquaintances…May she grow in to an amazing woman just like her mother- Maura have a wonderful baby shower and know you are loved and cherished by all those around you  today and always. Luv mary jean ziska  



card to Eric and my sister Maura on the birth of their daughter:
Today,  you  officially became parents to a lovely little girl.  You will form this point forward be known as mom and dad, provider, protector and all knowing loving ..well. basically great parents! 
Maura and Eric.. both of you will be fabulous parents! the  love, knowledge and wisdom you will be able to impart to your daughter will set forth the standard by  which she will grow develop and will be the standard for future generations!  
May your love for each other be reflected in her eyes her entire life-
may your faith, principles, morals and values be reflected in her actions her entire life-
May your faith, principles, morals and values be reflected in her actions her entire life- May your laughter over ride any tears or fears she may face and may you be blessed with a strong and loving family your entire life! congratulations, All My luv Mary Jean Ziska 

a card to my sister Mattie: 
Dear Mattie, 
May you have the love you desire for your entire life!  May you find the perfect Mr. right who compliments your positive attributes, who appreciates your talents, and gifts and who cherishes your personality, you kindness, intelligence, love of family, friends and who really loves you and more importantly is worthy of your love!  
Mattie, as you sister, I’ve known you my whole life, I’ve watched you choice in friends in men and in careers- I’ve seen you grow and develop into an amazing woman who deserves only the best!  you cherish your friends, family and you treat life with respect dignity You have been a shoulder to cry on , an ear to listen and the voice of reason, You’ve developed you talents, gifts intelligence and possess the most amazing qualities-
Your attributes , your personality, and life experiences make you one in a million! 
may you find true love worthy of all the greatness you have been you are now an you will become! your life choices will determine you future- Don’t waste a moment on that which doesn’t’ produce happiness and positive memories! 
May you look back on your life with no regrets and know your done you best- lived your fullest life possible and left no one behind.  Its a bit preachy but true… I  dint copy or plagiarize this.. I wrote it from the heart- I just want my sisters/family to have the best and want you to find true happiness peace and most importantly LOVE…. to know you’ve been loved honestly in th
is life time- to know your value your worth and the impact you future and destiny will have on the world.. ( pretty powerful right? ) Most importantly to know your life matters- dearest mattie i love you with all my heart- luv mary jean ziska  

Well as i started today writing all that occurred in the blog for : mysearch for justice.compost… it was a horrible morning( today)  finding out that some slimy girl/boy  decided to steal some of my sor. date function pictures…  many many tears… tears.. and anger… and so much hatred for imposters and fakes and actors and con artist.. and the like… really.. Who the hell do these people think they are?

… but tonight ..or actually another whole day…. right… after midnight… so today.. this early morning. …..i am exhausted.. my eyes are burning from crying.. and this whole website and blog feature got all messed up tonight… so al in all… not the best of days.. but the reason for all of it…  started yesterday…… so who is to blame for 48 hours i can never get back?   or the pictures… am i going  to get back my life… pieces of MY LIFE!!!!!!! 

so as for this website…. and blog….the  spelling is different from  this past week when it was more like  correcting  a word document.. the little squiggly red line underneath the word you may or may not have mispelled……  a really easy way to correct as you go along.. but this blog right now… ugg  has these big yellow blocks and the word choices actualy usually block out the  sentence so it takes twice as long to  try to remember what you were trying to say..let alone what you were trying to type or spell…. anyway…  i was on the phone  twice tonight ….. blog was messed up as well as the  sign in or log in … and when trying to publish the posts was takign me right back to singing in again…… totally messed up…

But as i mentioned before i am exhaused.. so need to  get some  rest.. and try not to rember all the horrible expereinces… or people i don’t even know who hurt me…. my life…. my dreams.. and stole way too much from… me

but tonight and yesterday…. i guess i can attribute these horid events to what??? let me guess… 

maybe to keep me up set and busy……. at least that is what the white haired bully karen kahel would do.. to make me look bad while she woudl try to make her self look so great  at the expence of everyoen else… wehn she was tryign to impress some guy…. like tonght .. my fake mom was going to the airport to pick up someone   could one of the “whore to door service girls” be goign to  get ther next months service call??????

maybe it will be like when i babysat fo rthe one girl who left to go to vegas to go and get her next husband… Hummmmmmand of course.. in th eprocess ruin a famly.. and a business.. and a life…. my life adn teh thng is i never did anythign to these stupod ond horrible girls… i knwo they are not my family or my friends .. but jsut stay out of my life… and let me have my  real friends and family back!!!!!!! but as i wrote in the other post..guess they had to steal the life they never had… or willnever have … and gave me this cindrella existance… that is completely not the 7 years i had ever envisioned.. nro the 7 years i had ever wanted… . 
what horribel girls and boys.. may god never have mercy on ther souls and may they find real laws punish them for all their crimes….. and all their horrible and criminal and morally defecient t… and selfish ways…. and deeds… 


i wish i had never met any of these horibel people… i would have never had anything stolen… wouldnt have had my life destroyed…… all for a stupid girl to screw some idiot?????????  steal some more  items.. seal some idenities…  or jsut ruin some more lives?????… god i wish i had never had any of these horrile people in my life ever…..  they ruined my life and i hope there is a god in heaven who will bring justice .. since the police/sheriffs  force here in naples tries but cant seem to get them to stop…. and no one else actually take s it upon themselves to be moral or jsut and tell them to stop…. and this scummmm they have no deterrents.. so of course… beign devoid of any morals or values of decency… they wil continue to do what ever they please… whether it is hurt someone … or steal from  them… or ruin a hoiliday… or ruin any day… didint htye have any mothers or fathers who had morals??? or values?? how coudl they have grown to have none??? 

and will  no one will ever stop them from  all their their vicious and evil games that hurt real peopl’s lives… damm actors.. conartists… .. and scummm…….

YOU ARE NOT FORGIVEN!!!!!!   

Well as i started today writing all that occurred in the blog for : mysearch for justice.compost… it was a horrible morning( today)  finding out that some slimy girl/boy  decided to steal some of my sor. date function pictures…  many many tears… tears.. and anger… and so much hatred for imposters and fakes and actors and con artist.. and the like… really.. Who the hell do these people think they are?

… but tonight ..or actually another whole day…. right… after midnight… so today.. this early morning. …..i am exhausted.. my eyes are burning from crying.. and this whole website and blog feature got all messed up tonight… so al in all… not the best of days.. but the reason for all of it…  started yesterday…… so who is to blame for 48 hours i can never get back?   or the pictures… am i going  to get back my life… pieces of MY LIFE!!!!!!! 

so as for this website…. and blog….the  spelling is different from  this past week when it was more like  correcting  a word document.. the little squiggly red line underneath the word you may or may not have mispelled……  a really easy way to correct as you go along.. but this blog right now… ugg  has these big yellow blocks and the word choices actualy usually block out the  sentence so it takes twice as long to  try to remember what you were trying to say..let alone what you were trying to type or spell…. anyway…  i was on the phone  twice tonight ….. blog was messed up as well as the  sign in or log in … and when trying to publish the posts was takign me right back to singing in again…… totally messed up…

But as i mentioned before i am exhaused.. so need to  get some  rest.. and try not to rember all the horrible expereinces… or people i don’t even know who hurt me…. my life…. my dreams.. and stole way too much from… me

but tonight and yesterday…. i guess i can attribute these horid events to what??? let me guess… 

maybe to keep me up set and busy……. at least that is what the white haired bully karen kahel would do.. to make me look bad while she woudl try to make her self look so great  at the expence of everyoen else… wehn she was tryign to impress some guy…. like tonght .. my fake mom was going to the airport to pick up someone   could one of the “whore to door service girls” be goign to  get ther next months service call??????

maybe it will be like when i babysat fo rthe one girl who left to go to vegas to go and get her next husband… Hummmmmmand of course.. in th eprocess ruin a famly.. and a business.. and a life…. my life adn teh thng is i never did anythign to these stupod ond horrible girls… i knwo they are not my family or my friends .. but jsut stay out of my life… and let me have my  real friends and family back!!!!!!! but as i wrote in the other post..guess they had to steal the life they never had… or willnever have … and gave me this cindrella existance… that is completely not the 7 years i had ever envisioned.. nro the 7 years i had ever wanted… . 
what horribel girls and boys.. may god never have mercy on ther souls and may they find real laws punish them for all their crimes….. and all their horrible and criminal and morally defecient t… and selfish ways…. and deeds… 


i wish i had never met any of these horibel people… i would have never had anything stolen… wouldnt have had my life destroyed…… all for a stupid girl to screw some idiot?????????  steal some more  items.. seal some idenities…  or jsut ruin some more lives?????… god i wish i had never had any of these horrile people in my life ever…..  they ruined my life and i hope there is a god in heaven who will bring justice .. since the police/sheriffs  force here in naples tries but cant seem to get them to stop…. and no one else actually take s it upon themselves to be moral or jsut and tell them to stop…. and this scummmm they have no deterrents.. so of course… beign devoid of any morals or values of decency… they wil continue to do what ever they please… whether it is hurt someone … or steal from  them… or ruin a hoiliday… or ruin any day… didint htye have any mothers or fathers who had morals??? or values?? how coudl they have grown to have none??? 

and will  no one will ever stop them from  all their their vicious and evil games that hurt real peopl’s lives… damm actors.. conartists… .. and scummm…….

YOU ARE NOT FORGIVEN!!!!!!   

So this morning on morning joe……. i guess the reviews were horrid about the awards show last night… i saw the show.. i didn’t think it was that horrible…

 so while grocery shopping i actually saw one cute guy… totally cute.. light eyes…  light hair… and thin build… yesterday  after going to church..  went to  whole foods… then they had   been out the day before at Publix ..and they didn’t have the tomatoes i usually get.. or any cucumbers…  and while i was at whole foods getting the bread i like and these great dutch cookies… i forgot to see about tomatoes and cucumbers… so the closest store and one i usually go to is Publix.. so  back i went to go and  get tomatoes.. and cucumbers….

so needless to say… to all the peole who see t think that it is o.k. to settle.. like i should settle for the  next guy no mater what.. NO….  and these are the things i hate.. construction workers… motorcycles…  dirty fingernails.. and i am sick and tired of the fatties… no i DON”T  want some guy who drinks beer and watches football and doesn’t even have any manners or etiquette..or education… for some reason.. people kept thinking that is something i would want in my life..  let me tell you again NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO!

So have you ever had one of those days when you start a project and then it turns into an entire  long day ?  I started of today with the dust that had collected…. it seems everywhere… bothering me.. so i  designated this day to getting rid of that … then the sofa cover that i always place my briefcase was  a bit dull so i thought I’d wash it… and ended up dying it…instead… it was yellow… ( i had tried  bleaching it to white but for some reason… it would  not bleach to white….just  yellow… and in the den it always bothered me a bit being that color… the only Ritz dyes i had left over from some experiment of dying something else.. was… purple.. blue.. and black.. so i just  dumped a bunch of the dye packets in the wash.. and… voila.. I ended up with  some variation of the mix… i was hoping it looked like  pewter… then it would tie in with a  few of the items i already have.. but i think it is more purple… so then since purple did not work in the den on that sofa..the only thing left was to move furniture…

I found a postcard from my sister when she got to go backpacking… the post card was from nice.. right on the cote d’Azur…. I bet she had a great time… Maybe my earlier experiences helped to motivate others to go backpacking… to enjoy traveling in Europe…I remember telling Cameron Nice about my  trip and school and he said that the stories helped him decide to go travel in Europe when he graduated college… so i motivated my sister Maura … and Cameron.. and i wonder if there was anyone else?  

11:36 on August 19th 2010So my computer  is being a bit challenging… the posts won’t keep to the fonts I choose… or the size type…. since it is making it much more burdensome to write my thoughts in a free flowing manner I will add on all the ideas for this perfect gingerbread man…later…. from my typing to  Gods ears…. there is still the right guy out there and a winning multimillion dollar lottery ticket with my name all over it!  Could you imagine… having a million dollars or more for a contest to find the right guy for me…HA! Boy would that be fun…. 

Typing on this blog….  this  morning is getting exceedingly frustrating  and since I love to write and create… especially journal type entries.. the disruption makes it seem  like noncontinuous thoughts… so I may continue this later today when the computer  gets rid of all the “BUGS”….HA! luv mary jean ziska

Well I started a post earlier today… then called and spoke with a representative from the website..(Jeff   same name that the tech used last night trying to assist me for hte same website wierd huh? ) …… concerning  inserting a new picture into my website… and making the affiliate program work… the “html code”  isn’t working for creating the adds that will generate revenue…  but Jeff the tec representative wasn’t able to help 

Even when i was trying to manipulate the screens on my  website.. it wasn’t working.. what i mean is that the scrolling function wasn’t allowing me  to move the entire screen up or down… to see the full screen… or  the website wasnt allowing me to insert a new picture… 

…I am going to change the picture either to a picture where you can visibly see the mole by  my left eye and the birthmark on my left upper arm.. or a drivers license  picture…I haven’t decided which picture I want to use… but whichever  one i want to use.. i want to make sure it is a real representation of me… the real mary jean ziska…. 
not some fake… or some phoney… but really me…. wrinkles.. moles.. whatever.. for real… so i dont get mixed up with someone else again….
especially since these rotten people seem to want me to  look bad.. that for some reason being me is some horrible thing…

especially since there is some girl with my same car..except my license  plate that  is:               and i only currently have one sherrif sticker on the back… i have seen  a few cars but like mine (or should i say… mydead aunts.). but they usually have more bumper stickers…

Funny thing ( yep.. off the origional story again)….. but….the same happened when when i had the gold merceds.. you end up noticing the cars like yours..like  there is even one gold mercedes ….. with ohio plates that start with the word DON in the same condo building where I lived during  high school…. small world huh? 

( I of course still have the broken merceds in my garage…. did you ever notice that lots of people say they want to  help.. or will do something  .. but not too many actually ever come through….maybe its just recently… but  i have really noticed  that a lot.. especially with this mercedes )
anyway… kinda disappointing in human nature…. but oh well.. i just  try to do what i say… if i am going to help someone..or at least i will be honest as to why I can’t…


Did i mention that i even saw  a  green saturn heading past me( in the opposite direction on that road that is off immokalee you know right by st. john’s cathoic church..?.) It was with an entire entrange… the funny thing is that a guy who looked like scott renshaw was in a jeep type suv a car infront of the green saturn… this all happend while i was heading to  chruch at 5pm last week…. could that be why i was supposed to be out of my house for this Sunday…HUMMMMM…. I mean some of the “whore to door service  girls”.. used to break in when i would go babysitting…but that was because  they thought I would be gone for minimum of four hours at a time… so they could usually do some serious damage…
 
Today.. since i am home now…and  it is 7:09pm  and since i went to church this morning  at 7am…. and I only saw this red headed girl walking away from near my home when I pulled up after church… how much damage could someone do in an hour or an hour and a half?… trust me.. I don’t want to find out… UGGGG

 
Anyway….This morning  at church I ran into a person( Shaun ) who knew my  youngest sister Mattie from high school…he is also the cousin  of a friend (Julie Culp) that i knew in high school for the one year I went to school here in Naples… but here is where i get nervous again…. he wanted to know if i went out/or go out  to a bar in Bonita(?)….
 
My first thought was Uh oh… oh no…..i’m going to get blamed for something else i didn’t do…. or didn’t go…. or get mistaken for someone else.. again… and lately they haven’t been mistaking me for some great princess.. or some multimillionaire..who is sucessful..or anyone i would ever want to be mistaken for..But on purpose … people have been mixing me up with  someone who God only knows what she does…. 

Did i mention that one lady at the front desk at the carlyle spoke under her breath the one night i was signing out… something  like” well… now we have you out of this condo building”… maybe I was too sensitive.. but all I could think of was… uh oh.. was someone speaking for me again?..  was i suppsoedot have said or done something that i didnt do? maybe ruining  my reputation..or my life…again???
Sheesh.. All I  did was babysit.. and everything went fine.. I was even able to put the child to sleep without any crying… no crying at all!

oranother freaky time…this  one time I know after babysitting I went to go and get gas.. there was this guy getting beer.. who was standing  really close to me..I mean really close.. uncomfortabley close…and almost waited to walk out with me…  and it could have almost looked like we were together…and here it looked like I  was going  out to go party.. when in reality…. i had been babysitting  all night… and was going right home…after getting the gas..boring …but it was what i actully did…
 

see its these type of wierd things… that have been going on these past 7 years… that along with all the freaks who say the wierdest things… like under their breath… as if  they are speaking to you… but  the things they are saying have nothing to do with the current conversation you would be having….just  wierd… especially if  it seems like a eally wierd conversation.. or mean conversation..or jsut demeaning or horrid conversation… to me jsut a bunch of  freaks and frauds… 

If i didn’t believe all these people were such criminals…or at the very least wer not my friends…..I  would just think they were really wierd freaks…but since i know they are not my friends… when they say mean things to me…or “at me” and since i know someone like tha doenst not want me to have a great life…and they do not have my best interest at heart..and they have made me cry and ruined my life soooo much…  I now have to try to  figure out how they are trying or  going to ruin my life.. and hope to God i can prevent it..at least try to prevent it even a little bit… 

But who would go to all the trouble of ruining a person’s life…why????So i don’t see or  inturupt a stupid wedding?… or a party?… or what?… show up where the imposter- me- is having a great time?????????
I mean if karne kahel or any of the other whore to door service girls/boys  the boys play with….  didn’t have a great life…Who cares?… be real and be who you are…. stop being  a wanna be… or trying to manipulate and ruin my life and my freindships  … or relationships… 

I also remember that freak Gerard… told me something  about the video servelliance in even conveince stores… all goes back to the freak telling me i would have no privacy… but he liked to scare me like that… make me think he was all powerful..
that he knew all… and you know what.. the freak did scare me… 
 
Remember.. I told you this one lady i saw at st john’s church… she inturpurupted when i was saying my st jude novena?…. somehow i think she mistook me for someone else because she asked me and for some reason…thought I would know where her alcholic   meeting was……ihad no clue… I was praying at the chapel… but i think some freak spread some lies that i pray because I have some huge problem… I dont….. nor does anyoen in my family!!!!!!!!!!

Other than these people  who harm my life… and wanting a huge financial miracle… some freaks think that the and some other idiot.. tried to tell me that painting the novena on my wall.. was because people turn to God when they “hit  bottom” how the freak knew i had painted on my wall… Hummm i’m thinking breaking and entering…and NO I don’t have any  drinking or drug or mental problems…..i am so tired of allthese lies… they are hurtful…..What kind of evil peole even say those things to anyone… especially when they dont even know you?…. freaks… I tell you freaks!!!!!!!!!….  see… why i don’t trust or ever will probably ever trust again  like i used to …. these will not or could ever be my friends…but do they know some girl that what???? looks like me??? says she is me???? what the hell?????? 

Anyway… also the one girl with the really small teeth also told me something about hitting bottom … for what???? These are mean and evil and hurtful ,liars… and she gave me the name of a book on this yellow taxi notepad..and them boom… i get mixed up the the girl who was sneaking into gated communities in taxi cabs… UGGGG ….

Did i mention that i used to see one of the boy’s “whore to door service girls” who used to travel that way  in and out of gated communiiteis…HA!…at least i used to see her when I would head out to babysit…. and too many times while I was going to go babysit …. i would actually  see the entire ” brat pack” on their way to play games with people’s lives and usually ruining lives.in the process.. at least that is all they have done to my life….ruin too much of it….uggg…anyway… the  liars, cheaters and thieves…… rotten people… anyway…

but this whole last week is probably just an idiot getting married… or a few of them… UGG… what arrogant  idiots..Lets guess…they  are what?… keeping me out of the way….so worried if i saw a fake scott renshaw getting married…that what i would freak… how self important…. or one of the white haired generic blonds  getting married.. I mean how self important.. they they think they are…. sheesh…if they were real friends…they would at least be honest….. the girls i know ar not honest.. and not my freinds… but i must admidt i get really disappointed in the guys… i guess i had a higher opiinion …..or expectd more…but honestly… dishonest is dishonest…right?    

I am however   pissed  that they won’t  allow me  to   have my life… the life  i wanted.. the style i wanted.. the friends i wanted.. the business i wanted..even the furniture i wanted…. how the hell could mylife have affected or harmed their selfish little lives? (selfish ..a name i’ve used very often for the girls involved… but for  the life i wanted i mean….. what the hell????….. of course they are all  selfish… and evil but come on get over yourself…..
who the hell do you really think you are??????????


Opps.. totally off the subject… of putting a new pictue on My website…. (the one i paid for)… I wanted to make sure that my website not only have my picture that really looks like me but it will not be confused with any more of these horrible people…or horrible lies….

 Usually the conartist group will do all sorts of things to get material things that they want by putting me through hell…or trying to change who i am.. who knows why.. my guess is so no one will like me?( ruin my reputaton) .. or believe me.(discredit me) . or who knows why they would be so hurtful, and  evil… but people who do such things are not my friends or my family…

Could it be that most of the  time..i guess they do it to show how much they have ruined a life… my life?… like I am not as “great” as they are since they were able to lie and cheat and steal or however they were able to obtain their lifestyle… whether it is wealthy or not… I don’t really care.. a manipulator is a manipulator.. and a liar is a liar and a bully is a bully…..All I know is that they ruin lives on purpose…and they leave me to fix problems they created…and correct lies they told..
 


I even found myself… actually having to tell people that i had a great life.. or that i went to boarding school..or that i like nice things.. or that i traveled all over the world.. which I never wanted to have to go around telling… why the hellshould i have to prove who i am or that i am valuable?  

I mean you should not have to verify who you are…to make your existance valuable… or to make you worthy to be yourself…. at least to real friends or family..or even to new people you meet….I shouldn’t have to make sure they don’t have me mixed up with anyone else… right? Seriously it really feels like i’ve been kidnapped by the wrong family….at times…  damm actors/conartists….or crimianls…. whoever you are……

But after 7 years  full of absolute hellish experinces…. . of lies.. and of all these people manipulating everything so that i never get any part of the life i ever wanted… I find myself having to prove who i am.. rotten….

and I kinda liked who i was… the life i had… the experiences i was fortunate to have had… i didn’t brag about it… but it was always just my real life…..its the life that really happened….its what  really happened… and it wasn’t always perfect.. but for the most part.. I was really blessed… and I think my real genuine friends actually liked me just the way i was…. at least i hope they did….
who knows havent been able to reach them….. 
I realized after speaking to  a videoversion of a skype from scott renshaw… my old roomate… that I probably haven’t spoken to any of my freal friend or family for however many years these criminals have been messing with my phones.. it could even be from the moment i moved in here… is that possible?.. since 1999????? or is it jsut cell phones… or what????anyway… when i think of it.. i break down..i miss having  real genuine conversations.. with the  real people who actually love you….who actully want the best for you… anyway fake skype. as welll .. Rotten!!!

Can you imaginge?… never being able to actually speak to the people who love you but possibly speaking to the manipulative people who may or may not make your life better or worse…. then of course there are all the manipulated situations.. they could be nice and good or horrible….

I was actully ambushed a bunch of times…where  there were horible expereinces that still haunt me even til  today…  


So tonight Mr. Dee was supposed to be at church at 5pm… I got 3-5 emails telling me to meet him their.. no emails from him… but each email sent to me was a bit diferent… signed differntlyadn typing style ws even diferent… sn none of the emails were actually really telling me to meet him.. but telling me he would be there…

Since the ent
ire horrible valentines day experience… with more bullyemails and bully calls.. i know how much these girls can manipulate… adn it made me wonder… good expereince or bad expereince…. and why???? what is in it for the emailer…???I dont know  Mr Dee well enough to know if he has any potential to harm my life… he seems nice enough… but I keep hoping that he  is  as wonderful. as he seems… and could be an honest freinds… 

Anyway I  was up early this morning …  went to get the wallstreet journal at Publix.. then  ended up going  to 7am mass…  was back home saw joel osteen.. ver positive today… and even on the treadmill for an hour and half… before allthe computer glitches… later  I even showered and ready to maybe go back to church to say hi to him… but then trying to document the  problems with the  website… and now its 9:30pm…. UGGGGGGGGGGG


No matter who it is.. I always wonder “what’s in it for them” … like do these people really want soemthing nice for me.. or will this person  be another  dissapointing person who is a fake friend.. who only harms your life.. or uses me to gain something  for themselves.. or uses me to be someone I am not… 

Gosh i really miss trusting everyone.. loveing everyone.. and i really miss my friends and family…. tonight i think i was just suppose to be “kept out of the way”  the  look a like boys are all in town.. and i ‘m sure the “whore to door service girls” don’t want me in the way… at least that has always been their motivation… it is so disappointing to find  out that going to a movie or any invitation or even any job maybe the result of just  keeping me out of the way……..  so i don’t   interupt some “girl getting her boy”.. or “some boy with some girls… or what the other  wierd games these freaks play with human lives.. and human emotions ..or with relationships… or with ruining lives…

So instead.. i jsut stayed home…at least that way hopefully my tires won’t  get slashed.. or my car end up with more  dog hairs..or anything stolen.( especially if some girl neds to steal a new dressfor one of these events… or whatever they did in my clothing…. UGGG … I really hope there is a God in heaven who can fix all of this… I have no idea how in the world he can ever give me back the time, relationships and my life…. but now its been one year and over 6months for praying for no more harm.. and a huge  financial miracle… 

        
Ohhhh i really went of the origional subject.. i started this post abou the computer…  It was a really wierd day… when I was even typing in it was taking almost 11 seconds (or a bit less  at times.. but 11 seconds was the  longest I counted to see when my typing would appear on the screen…..  for the website.. or even for . that isn’t supposed to be how it works….and then  screens not functioning properly…then the “html” code not working properly……. the inserts for the facebook and other social network links… not even ending up in the same place where i dragged and dropped them.(?)… just  felt very “manipulated”…. but not by me…. UGGG !  writing on this blog feels pretty normal… at least so far! HA!….