But actually had this one woman believe she knew that i was saying the st Jude prayer because i had some alcohol or drug problem…or this girl made a weird comment about “hitting bottom”… which is not the case at all..…at least not for my case…. i always had faith and God in my life… someways more than others….. but such an assumption is totally inaccurate … such  an assumption is just as inaccurate as all the other lies that were told about me… and that is what prompted not only the website of www.mysearchforjustice.com but also my due diligence to make right all that was damaged by the lies and stories told about me .. or whom ever i keep getting mixed up with….  the bad experiences i have gone through in my life are totally the responsibility of a few horrible mean and evil people who actually manipulated situations.. lives and purposely harmed me and I’m sure others as well.. that is why i want them stopped made accountable for their crimes and not only punished according to the  the laws of the United States of America… also damages should be given to all those they harmed….and if i am really blesses… they  will be put in jail… to serve time and be punished so they will never be able to harm another  human being … ever!!!!!!…Ii hate criminals…  criminals  should be caught and arrested and put in jail……. end of story! .

so since all my freinds and family are normal with no serious issues or problems… this is the qustion I pose on christmas eve…. Where are all the normal Christians.. Catholics.. the peole who are successful caring loving intelligent.. and actually give thanks to God for the blessings they have received?  There are great peole who have had great lives.. inspiring people who have made some amazing life choices.. done wondrous works for humanity… who have accomplished a great deal…who are still honest and have no major  issues and problems… I pray for  great, wonderful, nice, kind, generous,  intelligent, evolved, authentic multimillionaires to be included as my  genuine friends, divine connections, and mentors…  (I’ve actually been praying for that in my  St JUDE  novena… since August 12th 2010..)   ..

ever feel like someone think they know you if they see a snap shot of your life? well one snap hot is not the entire picture.. and definitely  not enough to know someone….not really know anything about them… 

anyway…. I am in a pissy mood because when i called to speak with my mom… I asked if she had brought anyone back from the other coast…. and with the definition being a whore to door service girls is one of the girls that the boys will have  come over at 11pm…. this “mom” mentioned  this morning….that she was in bed by 11pm…. I didn’t think my 72 year old mother was going to be one of the girls who would go out to see a boy at night….don’t now why she was soooooo defensive… if it really was my own real mother on the phone.. right? anyway….  I just always wonder what their real wives will think… or there other mistresses…or actresses….or should we just call them all sluts…HA!!!!!!definitely they are all fakes.. and definitely they are not reputable or honest or good… in anyway… but then when is a criminal ever good in one part of their lives.. i think if they lie in small ways they lie in big ways… if they cheat they will also steal and so on and so on HA!… but then if they
have no scruples… or morals or values… why should i worry about
them?..HA!  Guess i am in a bit of a pissy mood today.. can you tell?
OHHH i absolutely hate………Scummmmmm……. slime….. ugg… criminals… HATE THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway late last while while discussing the two cases proving phone  fraud… I got into a discussion about the person I was to babysit for off Davis blvd.  Did i mention this before?….. Ii was supposed to be babysitting  for  a lawyer…and instead it was for  stripper or one of the boy’s side kicks.. some porno person…. or stripper… from Ohio…. who went to Vegas to go and get another husband……..Ugg.. think that was most definitely a job that was stolen…. I mean the real job for the lawyer was probably stolen….

And of course it doesn’t matter what someone does for a living they might be a nice person………. but it actually does matter… if they are lying to me .. or somehow involving me in anything criminal or illegal… or if they are doing anything criminal or illegal.. like stealing my identity… or stealing my job.. or stealing my business….even stealing babysitting supplies…  stealing is  a crime…

Anyway… I had  mentioned that Scott had said I  wouldn’t be alone  this Christmas… I have no idea how he was proposing to do that?… i kinda thought that maybe his present would be seeing my sisters and my mom and dad…  and nieces…but i was also told (could be another lie) that they were traveling to Atlanta… or somewhere in Georgia… I didn’t think there was anyone they knew from Georgia except their friend  DJ Fairbanks…. so then I was thinking that… maybe whoever got into my Christmas present…. was there another theft?…….. stole the real story of what this  holiday was supposed to be like….  for me… and by manipulating my life once again .. i miss out on everything…

 but then i have been told  i don’t matter… that no one cares… and oh yeah… i should get over it… and get used to just  being  a pawn  to be used for someone to have the life they want….. for this  someone else…. their life is important….. because i am not important… right?????

Thank God I never slept with any of these screwy boys…. UGGGGG …….

So if plans for Christmas were screwed up yet once again because someone was more valuable.. taller.. or prettier.. or blonder or not blond.. who knows  what the boys are pursuing…..  or whatever these boys are “using” this week….

anyway…. if plans were screwed up again…. that would mean when i was speaking with Scott over Skype..  that they have not only screwed up my phone  but also Skype….   I  know there is a way to video tape a conversation… but and what can be done to a video tape… is it like any move film…. looping… ( don’t really know much about it… but i know there are ways to manipulate pretty much anything…..  ) did they do a video tape and do a voice over of me speaking?… maybe telling someone when to meet/what’s going on… FOR REAL>>>>>>>probably messing up everything again….  wonder if they brought a girl over for a wedding… or just to steal presents…. like the past 7 years……

.So  here are some of the desires I hold in my heart for my perfect guy, my hero, partner, future husband, for my life, my dreams… for real.. and its my turn this time..

I desire a man who believes in himself, his wife, (me) and his family!  Who values his family, loves them and believes his family is a main priority in his life and exhibits the loyalty, dedication and determination to allow them them the best life has to offer including the pursuit of happiness, and pursuit of their passions, and dreams no matter how large or small they may appear to him.  He will validate and support ideas, he will allow for the freedom to pursue dreams and passions and will help to create the best possible outcome and choices.  If he doesn’t’ have the answers he will help to find the correct material information to make the right choices and create a positive outcome for each and every decision.  He will be a partner to me and a leader of his family and help direct them  in positive  decisions and outcomes both financially, morally and socially. 

I believe he will be a man who is romantic and believes in love, knows how to demonstrate love, and knows how to make the people in his life feel loved.  He will share experiences, moments of life and thoughts and dreams with his wife and family.  He will be a safe haven for my hopes, and dreams and will be encouraging in any of my pursuits. 

He will be encouraging, and a true gentleman.  The way he presents himself in public will be the same as the way he acts, reacts in private… authentic! In that manner, he will be a true gentleman, in the classic sensibility.. he will hold open doors, he will put his hand out to help a lady out of a car, up from her seat, and hold her  by the hand when  crossing the street or any situation that warrants it and he wont do these things because he feels he is just taught to do them, but because he is concerned for a woman’s welfare, and taking the concerned role that exhibits caring!

His daughters will learn to know how a man is supposed to love and treat a woman because he will exhibit his love by little kisses, hugs to his wife… genuine affection..bringing her flowers ( not because he did anything wrong.. but because she loves flowers…) /who leaves his family little notes, writes them letters if away, and goes out of his way to keep in contact and create a strong family unit……. taking them on wonderful vacations that they can experience amazing once in a lifetime events, together like hiking, on mount Everest, safaris in Africa, sailing expeditions, golfing trips, tennis or other activities together, creating family traditions like Vail ski trips for Christmas, and taking one trip a year to visit a wonder of the world and documenting all these travels and adventures!  He will be encouraging and have the family play games in evenings play sports or support each other in sports, and interact in activities together whether it is science projects/contests or even sharing movies and books along with promoting intelligent conversions at the dinner table and throughout their lives!  He will believe in education and provide for a college and grad school from birth for each of his children.  He will also provide for a residence for each of his children to inherit when starting college, and start form birth by buying property and also putting away a trust fund account that should also start at birth.  He will also provide for an insurance plan including medical and dental.  His children will be well provided for no mater what happens and will have the advantages of pursuing their dreams and passions instead of just getting a job. 

He will not only provide for his family but ensure the education and necessary knowledge to continue with the correct choices and make it a part of their education Thus the entire family will know how to manage their inheritance, their futures and hopefully at least one area of life taught to them and retaught each and every day /year if necessary!  He will start his children in business choices, in stock choices, and enterprises that will teach them the fundamentals of being an entrepreneur to know how to be a leader /a manager/ and provide for their own future and the future of generations to  follow.

He will be better than financially secure…. as he will have already made so many right choices, that he should fl into the affluent category… o.k. lets be honest… to have a decent future he will be a multimillionaire, or be on his way to achieving this goal… One who is passionate and excited about business ventures, and sees the potential in investing in new businesses and successful businesses… one who would be helpful in creating that t.v. show or foundation where philanthropists are able to mentor and create other multimillionaires.. wouldn’t that be exciting!

o.k. now for some of the particulars….
He must be caring , loving, thoughtful, sensitive, ( but not tooo overly sensitive) he will still be a man, a protector, and a hero to his wife and children! he will be intelligent, articulate, and be able to carry on an interesting or humerus but definitely intelligent conversation on many areas and with anyone he meets or does business with ,… therefore, he will be well rounded, and know a little bit of everything but that doesn’t mean he will have to do everything..

He will be great leader in our household and be able to assist in hiring and delegating the maintenance areas of our life that will free up more family time and more time for business and to pursue passions…. he will be actively helping  to create a better easier lifestyle for the family he cherishes…… 

He will enjoy spending time with his wife ( me) as we will not only be husband/wife lovers but best friends… he will want to have me be the first person he wakes up next to….to  tell his dreams or first thoughts of the morning.. and i will be the first person he will want to say good night  and sweet dreams and i love you to…. every evening… 

I want my husband to be one who respects women definitely ME but all women… to be the one who will come to the rescue and help my women friends and relatives, his women friends and relatives but most importantly his wife and daughters…
(of course his sons as well but we are just talking of women right now …)

i want my husband to cherish his wife (ME) and believe in marriage.  Believe in the sanctity of marriage the commitment involved in creating a healthy and fruitful marriage, and WANT to marry me… in fact wants me to have my dream wedding, and know that a wedding even though it is not a marriage is still valuable and important…. i want a husband who wants to grow old with me… and to want to share a life with me! 

Words to add to a List: 
1.  respectful
2. honest
3.  sincere
4.  loyal
5.  friendly
6.  able to be eloquent with communication skills ( both verbal and written)
7.  loving
8.  dedicated to family, to career to future plans
9.  eyes that steal your heart and know your soul
10.  a voice that is soothing and comforting
11.  a demeanor that is solid strong and stable
12.  intelligent /well educated…. college … grad school…
13.  well read
14.   well traveled
15.  fun to be around
16.   great sense of humor
17.  adventuresome able to experience new places, activities, and enjoy them
18.  athletic build ( thin muscular… but not steroid body builder type..
. just real muscles… normal… )
19.  loves animals
 20.  and is good with animals
 21.  loves children and is great with them
22.   able to prioritize and put life in perspective and make it count!!!!
23.  able to make others feel comfortable in all types of social circumstances
 24.  looks great in a tux! …. had actually wanted someone who owned a tux…( but is that too James Bond-ishHA?…. but i guess since this is my wish list … i can wish for anything I want…  )
25.  loves spending time with the people he loves and loves people….
26.  knows how to make his wife feel cherished , loved and special
27.  loves to laugh.. not at you but with you
28.  loves to see his loved ones ( family and friends) happy and to see them smile 
29.  strong business man/ great work ethic/ makes a positive difference in the world
30.  even tempered/ non aggressive but yet till able to command a board room and handle any situation
31.  loves to enjoy and share music, the theater, movies, and literature
32.    stylish… not a poser… or wanna be…. but authentic in his own style…able to go from  classic.. casual  to  formal dinner wear…
33.  able to make and keep friends.. who are as amazing as he is….
34.  enjoys pampering his wife and believes and does not complain in a woman’s maintenance… ( ie: manicures, pedicures, massages, hair and fitness instructions / sports lessons such as golf and tennis or even classes….) he will not ever complain about such things… of the cost of the maintenance…. and will believe that  such maintenance helps to keep his his wife happy….   ( I  learned this lesson from one of my great sisters…. that even though some people think of such “maintenance” as luxury… that instead… a person should  believe it is necessary!)  i must agree i LOVE that type of thinking….. HA!
35.  believes that  his home environment… keeping it happy and tranquil, will will help to  create a refuge… a real home… no matter how many homes you have… and where they are located…  He will believe ( and i learned this from my dad…. that  there are two  separate areas of a person’s life… his work environment… and his home environment…. these are the two areas where an adult spends most  of his time… and both areas should be happy…. if a man or woman is happy in one without the other he is living only a portion of the best life he could be because ideally happiness should be created in both areas of life…..
36.   he can also create the same sense of peace and a  great happy environment at work, for his employees, and his business by creating a business that incorporates his passions and instills a desire /philosophy to follow dreams for himself, his employees.. and even for his family!
37.  Happy… I hope he is generally happy on a daily basis.. and in most situations.. HAPPY… and enjoys seeing the people around him including family friends and employees happy! 
38.  a gentleman.. with character, manners and knows etiquette…..   
  
 

finally the person spoke…. to give me an additional babysitting job…. quite surprising because someone has been stealing all the jobs… i don’t mean just some of the jobs.. i mean ALL THE JOBS… and its not the economy… nor the time of year… it is theft pure and simple….  especially since A TENDER LOVING CARE SERVICE has the exclusive contact with the Waldorf ( NAPLES GRAND ….. and with EDGEWATER) … there are jobs out there but whoever has mastered this phone theft…. well they are not only getting away with bulling and manipulating people and their lives and businesses.. but they are getting away with THEFT…. 

so this evening ….. i ended up crying… and the thing of it was i just missed my mom who was like a best friend…. my sisters who were my best friends… and my real best friends… some days it is like talking to complete strangers….  the person on the phone was fishing for information on the people i have sat for ….for literally  years…  they didn’t know the children’s names…or the parents names….  ( which my mother would have known off the top of her head…) i was so stupid … i just tell the truth all the time… and when you believe you are speaking  with  someone you can trust… you usually open up because they are supposed to be trusted and your honest and loyal and best friends or family…..  so now i have to worry if these girls are planning on breaking into  my home or stealing anything from me… or just  stealing some sort of opportunity…

 or God forbid its like before when some strange girl and guy may have even been having sex in my bed … remember the idiot who left the myrtle beach golfing emblem on my bed just to let me know they had been there…. breaking into my home…. using my bed for their indiscretions…. UCK>>>>>>

so this person  I spoke with…. after learning the parents name…. stopped talking to me and just left the phone  on the table… exactly like the girl who used to call with the Gregory Marion caller ID …. ( which by the way my mother never had a caller id as gregory marion…. it gets even worse…. )

wait let me back up…. i haven’t even used the phone to call my mum at all for the past few days because the last time i spoke with someone they really got everything WRONG…… they said they were “mary jean gregory”….  so were they stealing my name?…. may jean… or my mother’s name? gregory… or just making up some completely fictions person …. but screwing up both our lives….

So back to tonight…. if you have read anything about my relationship with my mother…. maybe you may actually know we really had a pretty nice relationship…most of the time… she came over and played scrabble with Scott after i took her out for mother’s day to the tiburon…. and scott for a belated b-day… that was a really nice day…. she encouraged me to pursue my passions.. was always encouraging… and definitely did not make me cry or bully me….

another phone call and tried to  shared that I had this really remarkable dream… my dad was in it…. at my home… he was reading the paper and he had bought me a
German Sheppard dog for Christmas….  instead of the usual chit chat about how much we missed our German Sheppard from Germany… or anything nice to say… i got a rude comment  telling me that no i will not be getting a German Sheppard for Christmas… and that if i go out and get a job that maybe i could get an apartment and someday afford a dog….So not only did this idiot not even know where i live.. what my dad would ever do for me…or that i worked two entire years without a paycheck for A TENDER LOVING CARE SERVICE and A TLC PREP  or know that i am the real authentic daughter…. born from  the very womb of Marion Gregory Ziska  and the Assistant Director of the Company….

I know one of the babysitter Andrea her husband used to yell at her to get a job… at least that what she mentioned while we were all sitting at the Hyatt for a financial group…. but then i also know that there was some horrible girl who really made me cry while i was babysitting for a family in bay colony… and the only reason i am probably getting this job is because they weren’t able to steal it yet…. ( ie they didn’t have the name of the parents… had stolen any of the files… or played more of their very manipulative and horrible tricks to steal a business…..

so i guess i should mention… that because of whomever has been stealing jobs… i have had to live off barely anything… which has never happened in my life… never have i had to learn that if you buy a whole milk you can make it last longer if you water it down… or figure out if you can keep using a razor…. or find out that soup that i had bought for hurricane supplies… didn’t taste that bad when expired…. ugg… some of the “lessons” i got to learn over these past 7 years… Ugg…….. Of course it would have been great fun to have learned something wonderful….helpful and actually useful….. useful in normal circumstances……. not useful if trying to survive   in a war or through the apocalypse….  never in my wildest nightmares would i have ever imagined that  some horrible woman or girls….or can it be traced all the way back to that Brooklyn new york criminal… ….  that thee slimy and selfish and manipulative people would go to such lengths to steal and actually would ruin a business that my mom worked so hard to not only create but to maintain…. 

it just makes me sick to my stomachl……. AND MAKES MY HEART ACTUALLY HURT….  to be talked to in such a manner is nothing short of failing as my mother….manipulating my life….. my family relationships and putting horrible substitutes… just makes me cry… I loved my mother… my sisters and my real genuine friends….and i know they loved me…

it makes me wonder how long these manipulative people have been stealing my blessings, my life… my dreams for my future…  could it be as long as far back as the first phone call i got from my dad telling  me i could have the Mercedes…. then another but probably fake phone call….  telling me he wanted 5,000.00 dollars for it?… or as far back as when my mom was going to get me a ticket to go visit my boyfriend from college in Australia…. then of course the second phone call  and me ending up paying for it myself?    
its like i mentioned in the blog for www. mysearchforjustice.com  that on this same phone i had some conartist  tell me they wanted  what was it again?….. 7-8 thousands dollars for  a nanny  cam? or for a German Sheppard?…. or 15,000 for the nanny cam or the German Sheppard….

These  freaks even talk out loud…. like they are answering someone….. talking as if there was a bug in their ear or something….   saying things like “i hope she’s got some money”…. or even one night… i guess some guy was talking as if he was judging my value or worth…and even said …( out loud as if I was a slave to be bought or sold to others….)  THIS ONE WORKS>&gt
;>>

To be honest it is like being kidnapped and only allowed to speak to these very freakish captors…. who are allowed to do anything to your life without any repercussions for their actions.. as if they are not ever held responsible for the tears they make anyone cry…. or responsible for the theft… or for  bulling or trespassing….. they are allowed to demote your entire life and existence…. with blatant lies and horrible stories…. when i say these have been the worst years of my life i am not in the lest bit exaggerating….. so again i pray for protection from all these horrible and evil, selfish, manipulative, people…. that GOD himself can’t even seem to get out of my life…. nor can the police seem to get out of my life… even though i pray for the guards at my guard gate and for the police force here in Naples Florida..the honest and real  police who not only protect and serve or community…. but who take their vow to protect and serve and do just that…… stop criminals and protect and serve…… 

Its just soooooooooooo lonely to never talk to anyone …. due to a bunch of bullies on the phone….. and con-artists… and criminals…..or just even some messed up weird or freaky individuals…. I know  who my friends and family they were…. and  they were and are  nice, normal, funny and great! …..  some days i feel that i haven’t talked to them in 7-8 years….. and i miss them dreadfully…… Gosh… there is no way i can get back that time… or that level of trust…. that disgusting fat italian gerard ahler and the martucci family and karen kahel… ruined sooo much…. and ruined a perfectly great day….  i hate those sick psycho freaks….. who are allowed to mess up normal and happy lives for their own selfish amusement….

Can I also mention…. I know there is supposed to be this lady who is supposed to be having a business similar…… right?   its weird I’ve seen the same white BMW leaving the Hyatt a few times when i went to babysit…. and one time was for a family name Lee… but i don’t think that is who i actually babysat for…especially since it was one of those nights i was called in from 10pm until 2am…. also happened a few times at another  hotel…

I think i mentioned in the www. mysearchforjustice.com    about babysitting for this family at Valassari…. this Italian family from Boston…. ( surprisingly that is where gerard’s friend was from  the one in Marco …. anyway….  someone really wanted me out of my house…. even to the extent of calling the police to make sure i was awake and out of  my house….yes something very stinky and fishy… and smelly and what else… ucky…

 but….   there was some guy in a white Cadillac that had a luncheon to go to… with i guess a bridal prospect… or just one of the  ” whore to door service girls”… ( at least that is what i call them)… when my old roommate  would  go “running  or biking… or walking. or what ever  around 10ish pm…. . i thought of it as “changing of the guards”… and then came up with the “whore to door service girl” label…  at 10pm…  if i was else where….. and I would leave my friends home…. I  would leave from playing  cards sometimes  i could usually see a girl driving up…. HA! I i knew it was one of the” whore to door service girls” …. showing up for their” nightly” visits…….

So i know for a while a the babysitting was so that I would be out of the way…. If that isn’t manipulative and probably criminal( with all that they did  to my home, possessions, and to my life…. ) i don’t know what  is…. i guess the con artist girls who are pretending that my condo is their home… or( worse yet… )  if they really are stealing my identity and going as far as impersonating me or using my identity
( which is illegal).... anyway you look at it….while breaking and entering… also illegal….
and here i go crying again… this sucks…. these years have sucked!…. i am still not forgiving these  girls and their stupid selfish and manipulative and criminal behavior… go ruin someone Else’s life for a while…. you already ruined mine…..

and no there  is nothing wrong with me……. just been picked on…. made fun  of….been the brunt of more than a few unfunny jokes…  used…., stolen from…. and basically every part of my life ruined because of one disgusting italian scummmmm and what ever “whore to door service girl” he is with now…. did i mention when i first met him he wanted to “set me up” in a business…. a cash business of course… he was still trying to convince me he was this gangster….  UCK!  I had no idea that when he saw my business he just wanted to steal it and my mother’s business…. to give to someone else… UGGGGG……and harmed 7 years of my life…. 

 so instead of the horrible lessons i got to experience these past years…. maybe ….feeling  loved and happy and having my  great family and friends would have really been refreshing and nice….  ….  How can you put back a piece of a soul?  …..

believe it or not… i had some really happy and funny and wonderful conversations  when i had the phone number of (239-597-9699) ……and some really nice emails when i had the maryjziska@aol.com email…..  I used to be on the phone….  had fun plans, friends…  all the time….  before psycho and the band of horrible goons…. got a hold of my life …..

I have one sister who is so amazing and i am so proud to say she has achieved all that she ever set out to achieve… all her hopes and dreams! Career, family, just everything…. what an amazing sibling…. 

I guess in our family it was nice to be raised to be allowed to dream, but not only just  dream….. but to help each other  achieve our dreams…to encourage people in our family to succeed.. believe in success and did everything possible to help us make the right choices and reap the rewards of successful business/lives.  the beauty of it is that it is possible! 

Who is it that said ” You will become as great as your dominate aspiration”  …I actually had that phrase on my computer screen saver  since 1999….    And the truth is my aspirations and dreams and wants are large, very large… and i have no apologies for dreaming large…

Speaking of tiburon…. another lovely day in Florida and at the shark shootout I tried to see on television what was going on but on the golf channel all they had was a tournament that looked like it was in Dubai.. One year i got to go and hung out with my cousin and his family while the shootout was going on but that was only one year and it was November 2004 and i even have a Franklin Templeton shootout Tiburon member pin HA! .. Its actually kinda fun being  on the side lines…

Speaking of being on the sidelines…  I don’t think i ever really minded being the “invisible sister” or even an “invisible “friend”…. of course i know i am not invisible… but i shy away from the spot light… from having to be the center of attention… don’t get me wrong I still really like nice things, and going to nice places…. and i still think my child hood and some of the experiences i was fortunate to have were wonderful…. i just never knew the “other side of some people…. i never felt i had to justify what i wanted or what i liked… i even was told by someone very recently that  “what made me think i deserved to have that?” … or to want that?….. they made me feel  that wanting to have a great  life was asking too much… that somehow I didn’t deserve to have what i wanted… pretty mean and pretty rude right?  I would never have ever said anything like that to anyone … i think its great to encourage each other to inspire each other… to help each other to be the bets we can e and live up to our fullest potential… i guess that is why it has been so shocking to have to deal with bulllies and  such horrible people that i would never have chosen to have in my life EVER! It’s sometimes
annoying when if you are nice…. or don’t complain someone decides that
you can have less…. or that  because you didn’t  complain about it that  you are satisfied with less… or lesser
quality…. i guess i was brought up not to complain about some
things… because it may hurt your host’s feelings… or be  bad
manners… what i didn’t realize is  that some people take advantage of
that and will  make sure to only take the very best for themselves  and leave you the left overs….. Of course i know it shows such a lack of character… but it just shocks me every time….

 Maybe it was the fact that my mom made such big events of our birthdays and of holidays…. that gave me a standard of expectation for both giving and receiving gifts…  and she put so much thought into the gifts… learning what we liked…. making a special effort to get just the items we liked… and taking the time with cards… and with making each of her children feel special and loved…. in fact since my youngest sister and i shared a birthday…  the middle sister would always get an “UN-birthday gift so she wouldn’t feel left out  of the festivities on our birthday…. wasn’t that just a brilliant idea!

Anyway…while growing up i think i was also very fortunate to have made some pretty amazing friends… real friends who just knew you… they knew your worth… didn’t try to pin you into  a category… or a class… but knew how special you were.. and validated it….  i just knew I was me.. and that was enough….  I miss those type of friends… actually i miss those real, genuine friends..…

speaking of life and death…. I have caught two possibly three viewings of the st. Jude hospital documentaries…. absolutely heart breaking…. These children deserved to live full lives…. to have all their hopes and dreams come true… to be able to grow old and be able to not only survive.. but thrive… and succeed… i guess children still can touch a person’s heart …. and ill children… can really tug at my heart… like nothing else can… I don’t know how the families stay so strong…. i think i saw at least 3 or four children whose story ended when their life ended….  I’m adding the children at St Jude’s hospital to my st Jude novena list…

Speaking of amazing children… today for the very first time i watched the special Cd that came with the sound of music CD.  I don’t know why  felt the need to watch it but i am really glad i did… it had all the bonus interviews.. and the commentaries.. and a documentary…. wonderful! then i started watching the sound of music itself… guess i just needed some wholesome and nice television viewing…