What is a friend…. To night I had someone proclaim to be a real friend… but he isn’t … while I was crying at the dinner table..and he grunted to acknowledge that I was talking…not commenting on what was upsetting me… me motioned to the mysterious “boogy man” condo…. And like any true friends hurried to get away from the dinner table not even listening to anything I said… no not a real friend.. I miss my REAL FRIENDS AND Loving GENUINE AUTHENTIC FAMILY….. Especially on holidays.. or near holidays.. but today… having someone trying to tell me how long my mom would go on her travels to exotic lands… and getting it completely wrong… then the oh… baby I am here to help you… just as lo gas it doesn’t inconvince him… and when I call my mom or call her phone. I am not talking to my mom or to a real friend… maybe at times the phone conversations will be nice.. but eventually they will always get something wrong…. Whether it is like talking to someone e who has read the information of your life but never lived it… it turns out unauthentic… and wrong…. I miss the days when I could pick up the phone and actually talk to people who knew me and loved me.. who wanted to see me or spend time with me.. who actually did want to make my life better.. and wanted me to be happy… Speaking of phone conversation I wanted to mention that I had a person hand me his phone… telling me it was my cousin Greg… and Greg was supposed to e in town… and I guess was supposed to come and see me.. or at least it was someone who wanted to get into my gate…. Anyway.. the conversation seemed to be pretty nice but a red flag went up when I told him I missed having a real date… and how I haven’t had any of those real dates probably in at least ten years…. And then ( this I will never forget…) he mentioned congegial ( they don’t even have this workd in spell check…UGGG!!) visits… like from prison.. and I about freaked… I knew a then…. At that exact moment… I wasn’t talking to my cousin Greg.. who was not in town to work on a roof.. but on some asshole who used prison terms … when thinking of seeing/dating girls.. … AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! So who the hell was I spilling my guts to… who wanted to get into o my gate? I also know my cousin Greg owns two wine bars and a coffee shop… and if he was visiting Florida from Cleveland Ohio… why the hell would he be wasting time working on a roof…. When I thought of the neighbor who has a son who is a roofer…. Was it him or one of their friends e or co workers… on the phone.. I just feels so violated …..when you think you are talking to someone and you aren’t … when the freaks are actually having this other conversation. And not even listening….. When their answers make no sense in the context of the conversation you are having… You can’t build any real relationships… you can’t even get to have any real conversations…. You are alone and isolated… with a bunch of manipulating idiots… who couldn’t care less… and who get way with lying, cheating and stealing from me… who ruin your hope s and dreams… and who stay in my life just long enough for someone to steal my identity.. or some wish or dream or hope that I wanted… and they don’t steal it.. they will threaten to make me feel that it will be taken from me… You can’t count on these people.. you shouldn’t trust them ..and you definitely can’t believe them or think they are actual friends… I have quotes on my wall about true friendship …. What makes a true friend… how to know what a true friend .. I MISS MY GENUINE LOVING FRIENDS AND FRIENDS….. and it didn’t help when I had freaks.. Telling me “I want the real may jean”…. And they” miss the real may jean” then planning on anything… one person telling you they will give you this..or help you with that… then you count on their word being a verbal contract.. and being something you can count on.. and then the next minute.. it all changes.. like a total new person making up rules of what they will help you with what they will do… and then nothing gets done and more things are broken.. and you learn not to count on anyone … that the “freaks” will only lie to you …. Yes lie right to your face.. or tell you something and you have to try to figure e out what or how whatever they are saying will affect your life life… hummmmm .. I wonder what they are planning on stealing this time….. after going through a bunch of linens.. I am missing two large body towels and two face towels… the ones my mom bought me from Niemen Marcus… they were in my guest bathroom.. and since I basically wasn’t allowed to have any guests… ( psycho control freaks who don’t want me to have any friends…. ) they weren’t used… like at all… practically brand new… When I found that on top of all the other things still missing ..(like my pearl earrings.. and my diamond earrings.. and of course the kaki cashmere sweater… and the $240.00 stolen from my black bag… last month… still missing…) anyway.. I spent two days writing my name on everything… except the two ripped pillow cases that someone left in my good linins.. And two ripped white fitted bed sheet that also someone left in my good linens…. I mean what psycho freak not only steals or takes sheets or towels. Or anything from anyone…. ( of course I consider that stealing… most normal people do… right?) but then to rip them and then put them back (?) .. what? like I wouldn’t notice? Anyway…. Besides someone thinking that I am married.. or dating someone… or some nationality that I am not… or any of the milions of stories that are completely untrue…. I just really miss my genuine and loving friends and family….. and I pray they can find me… and help me… luv mary jean ziska