late last night i went to go and say my novena… at st John’s catholic church …. I also stopped by see the beach. I hadn’t been there in a while… and it is always so peaceful… and private…. i do my usual… lucky rub on the camel head… bless myself… and soak in the waves… the sights the sounds and the wind… say a small prayer.. say out loud where the hell are you god?…. and then I went by the ritz carlton beach resort… I had written early thank you and holiday greetings cards… and gave one to the valets.. and found out the time the gourmet shop was supposed to open… in the morning… I wanted to wake up early…. go there get their delicious scones and croissants avec chocolate… and start my day trying to see if god and all my friends and family would be able to produce a miracle for this horrible situation of my home being auctioned …. or the hoa to be paid… no auction… and this to be all over…. no more tears.. no more of someone profiting from my suffereing…. and for great adn wonderful things to start happening…
i did wake up early… and get on the treadmill.. showered and had some breakfast… then by the time i was ready to go to the ritz… it was too close to the time i had set up an appointment for the bank.. i went to two banks to see if it was possible to get a loan.. to do something… there was an option of having a CD or savings account and getting a loan based on that… would have been the fastest way to do something… but to no avail….
so starting to cry..to feel like God and everyone had basically abandoned me….. at least everyone i had spoken to on the phone…. i went to St john’s catholic church to see if father Len was there so i could tell him that God hasn’t come through with a miracle … and it was really cutting it close…. and to ask Why? Why hadn’t my st Jude prayer been answered…. was i saying the prayer wrong? or what was the real deal…
Father Len wasn’t there so i spoke with a new priest Father tom Kelly….. super nice .. and about my age… we spoke for a really long time… we had a chance to talk about everything … not jsut about god.. or about prayers… he let me sit in his seat and we did a bit a of a roll reversal i guess you could call it.. where i was telling him to believe in miracles… to be positive and that the church has a ton of resources that everything was going to work out according to my heart and desires..that god doesn’t give his child a stone instead of a fish when he is hungry…( totally misquoted…. the scripture .. sorry….) but we talked abut the newsboy song ” shine.” and how people should be something other s want to emulate…. that is how or why people will start believing and have faith… we spoke abut all the horrid experiences i have had to go through…including bullies and i even showed him karn kahel’s picture adn todl him she used to go tht st john’s …. and how the one tme i went to church she even went to sit by me and when I moved to another seat… she moved.. to be close to me… i guess it scare me… or make me feel uncomfortable… who knows why anyone bulliles..or harms others except for their own selfish intensions… he even pulled up my website www.mysearchforjustice.com . We talked abut families.. and i told him of the most recent people who couldn’t possibly be my family… especially that dad… a horrible dad who said if i committed suicide it wouldn’t affect his life… definitely not my dad.. or even a friend… lt alone some one who cared and loved me… i must say by the time i left i wasn’t crying anymore.. and i have hope that this entire situation will be resolved and i will have my home… and in my name… and life can hopefully and god willing go back to what it should have been…. please pray for me…. we even talked abuot some ideas for the church to introduce some great new services… like helping to encourage and assist in people starting new businesses.. or angel investing so they can help businesses grow… he thought my calling was to be an entrepreneur… (at one point in time he thought maybe i had a calling to suffer… to which i replied …absolutely not…. HA!) we talked abut a service where businesses could find assistance and resources to help them be more successful… then do a donation …. maybe a time of service and money to then help another person and business to succeed… my mom said it was a bit like a “pay it forward” situation…. ( and guess what? on channel #96 tonight is the movie “pay it forward”… weird coincidences… right? )
anyway…. after seeing father Kelly I was soooo tired and exhausted… I came home and ate something and crashed….. i felt like i could have just slept forever… even thought i wanted to just rest my eyes until the swelling went down… and my stomach and heart stopped being upset whenever i thought about what some people are wanting me to go through…. to lose my home.. my business.. and everything…
I actually had someone on the phone tonight tell me its no big deal..losing everything….. finally I thought of a good comeback… I should just tell these people… the ones who want me to lose everything… is so good for them to know that since possessions or a home doesn’t matter to them it is good to know that they will give up everything they have…. for someone else… or jsut lose everything…I bet they wouldn’t be so passive… if it was happening to them….. right? or to their children….
I forgot to mention that when i left the ritz i saw two police cars pulling over this silver car… one car ended up leaving and for a light moment he was behind me and i felt safe.. safe like when my friend Scott or anyone who was really a friend or great family member would protect me from all harm… like someone ” has your back”…… and i will be safe from harm.. and after meeting with the priest… that somehow a miracle will happen and I will have my heart desires… my condo in my name with it all paid off and be able to start fresh with no drama and trauma… except I would want to have a video security surveillance.. to stop all future drama and trauma…. gosh wouldn’t that be great….. or a multimillion dollar lottery ticket…. immediately… ( the lotto and power ball tickets for wed the 20th didn’t win at all…. )