Monthly Archives: July 2011

thursday July 28th 2011 @12:20am ( people on teh phone who have once again mixed up myfamily with the wrong family what the hell…. ????)

so in mysearchforjjsutice.com  i mentioned so many times about the wrong  ans i mean really wrong people… late tonight my fake mom on the phone  was bad mouthing my sister Maura.. saying she was cold   hearten and unhelpful that she didn’t want to help me with my home auction situation…  . or anything…. luckily i spoke with blake fletcher earlier today… and yesterday and had him also confirm that my sister is great… she is nice i mean she is a really strong and smart woman… who knows her mind and who stands up for her beliefs.. but i know for certain that she has a really sweet side  to her… and a really great personality …. and who actually has a very sensitive side….  i remember  talking to her abut the “soup for the soul stories”… and i remember her talking about when  we imagined having children  children.. …actually ….when we both had children…( of course i never got to have the opportunity)  and if we had the opportunity to raise children…. it would be nice so that they knew their cousins… and so that they could be friends…

 my sister actually both sisters   would  not have been so loved by all  their  friends…  if  they were as mean as these people on the  phone keep trying to make them …. and i know she( MAURA)   always has had so many friends… maura and mattie coudl go to any town.. int any place… and make freids.. and be loved by all…. really quickly… i always admired that about them… i was sometimes a bit more shy around strangers but woudl warm up after a while 

For some reason  people don’t  want me to have anyone who can help with  this whole hoe auction… don’t  know if they are themselves making a profit off my suffering…. or just sticking me with all the  wrong people … who aren’t my friends or family….  or influential people  who could actually help….  i couldn’t in a million years ever think that my sister would want me to go through anything bad…. lose my home over a simple and actully a small amout of money…. for most of  the  real people i used to know….   and  the  continued  misunderstandings… and the  series of  events that seem to have lead here… mysiter maura is not soem mean ogar…. who want s me to go through soethgn bad..jsut liek i had some idiot who said that she was actually picking on my mom… how rdiculious…. totally not  myisiter…. who woud lbe so cruel a sto pick n a 74 year old woman… who mad sure   we had a great chidhood and who made sure that we had evereythign  we ever needed includgn tris al aoud the world… and so many woderful experiences…. i honstly thnkit has been 8 years of havong the wrong family.. maybe longer… but  its jsut not right….  who  thought of this sick and psycho game of ruining families.. and lives only to steal property and businesses ..  do they have a consciousnss? do they have a loving mother or sister? 

Did i mention that i had someone telling  me they would help me… with solving this whole auction thing and the right of redemption but that i wasn’t  allow to work for the babysitting business s anymore?   What type of freak could that have been? … didn’t sound like someone who actually  knew a dam thing about what i did for the business… and how  hard i worked with out pay ( which by the way is kicking me in the rear… i need pay stubs and verification of income to get a loan from the bank…  and if had those i wouldn’t have been trying to have any assistance…  from friends and family…. (if i could actually get in touch with them. the funny thing is … looking back on when i had the 15, 000. in petty cash  and  lots of business… i guess I  had alot of friends … where are they now? .

since i cant reach anyone…. i am wondering if these were really great friends.. or is it that the  scummy con artists have “used up”  all the resources from  my friends…. because if ever i needed to contact my  genuine friends and family now was the time….  I’m not sure now if everyone was a true friends.. i think they were.. i usually select really great people who are genuine… and not such swayed by if you have money today or not.. in fact growing up in Saudi i don’t ever remember ever thinking   about  money.. it just wasn’t an issue…  you liked people for who who they were… and of course we were growing up  with them….  in a small safe environment where everyone got to do pretty much the same things….

 i cant even talk to them to let them know the conditions  i was trying to set for repayments.. for interest.. or for even an extra bonus to sweeten the  deal as they  say….

it is so frustrating to talk to someone whois supposed t know youand really love you.. and hasnt a clue about what yoru family was really like.. i sont know if allthese peole believe allthe lies… andi cant stop the lies… irealized that with karn kahel…. and her lies… telling me she knew my mother… and my own  mother was saying horrid things about me.. just like the liar today  who is saying my sister  would not  be nice and smart and  successful… and wouldn’t  jump through  fire to be there for her family… ( who ever she knew must have been as evil as her… to have to make others look bad and feel bad  so that she could feel better about herself.. definitional of a bully by the way….. and it was  more  for the boys she trespassed into the strand for….  the boys  she screwed ….. those boys… may have been the fake mothers who stuck up for a bully so they could get laid…. and those boys and girls…  who wouldn’t be my choice for  my friends or family ….  who could  have been on the  phone as my mother..( you can change your voice to sound like a girl if your  a boy…. that i researched… ) 

and these people are still getting away with saying bad things about me and my family…. perhaps its the girl around the corner the boys play with.. who likes upsetting me to tears or to raising my voice…. does she  do it to try to prove she is superior… the better  person  who or better family with her lies… gosh they are so pathetic… .anyway enough of them… i guess iwont get to have my real family back unti i see them in heaven.adn there will be no more bullies.. no more lies.. no mare intentional manipulation… and it will be everything  i had wanted my life to be like here….  .

 so looking back on 8 years of all of this.. not one full year of great fun and peace and happiness without some major trauma or drama i was to endure…   (  i still for the life of me think of  what  i could have possibly  done to  have so many horrible people pick on me.. so much.. and destroy  pretty much all of my life….  but i mentioned before .. i now know that  I i don’t matter… they have made that fact perfectly clear… also I  realized that it  was or is like  this whole horrible series of horrid events is all calculated… the  gilr who stole  messages.. from our phones and files from my home… .eventually stole a business (my mom started in 1990… ) . then they  completely shut us out of a business  that  was my mom’s legacy… and  stole  a business by stealing  the babysitting jobs…  stealing contracts  … and well…. doing anything and everything   underhandedly…  jsut not ethical.. moral or good business.. in the long run i hope what goes around comes around  for  these thieves….   i have thousands of thee type of examples and experiences that have changed the  course of my life ..
and  who  maliciously and  with deliberate  intent  were executed by whoever these  people are…… i know they are not brave enough to  own up to their responsibility for ruining lives… when i say  i wasn’t paid ( by whoever was pretending to be my mom at the time…. )  for they years  of work  helping to create websites.. and all sorts  of avenues for advertising, marketing,   deemed necessary for  a business to succeed… these people on the phone… sometimes get really defensive..  one time it was like argue with a bratty little kid… who wanted to justifiy why he or she stole…. there is no excuse.. hate to tell you people .. but you can lie all you want .. what you did  was wrong… to steal is wrong…  you should have to deal with the consequences of your actions.. just like i have to live with  the consequences of your  actions…. your lies on the  phone…… .your bulling just unforgivable….    ( you know i realized that karn kahel never once said she was sorry…. not once… )  hummm you boys still think karen, katie or kimmy or whoever is nice?

another example…  happening right now… now.. trying to reach people who would  help …. in a heartbeat…  they would help… but after years of god only knows what was told to them…  so many people are probably not wiling to believe  everything… an now is when i really need to make sure i can reach my genuine friends and family…. for real…. but   by  manipulating  the emails.. and the messages… they have not only wasted precious time… but  not allowed a positive solution for a horrible situation… i know for a fact that my sister Maura could have fixed  all of this before the condo went up for auction…. she is a real estate lawyer…. she would have most probably had the  lawyers  fees and interest dismissed..or waived.. she would have know all about he right of redemption… and all the  things i have  to learn about on my own…  but just by getting rid of the  fees.. the total due would have been so much less… approx.  21,000 to come up with….. and i bet she would have been able to post pone  or work out a settlement that i could have used the  equity in the  condo… to redeem the value.. so i could have paid it myself…. . and it would have been all over in a few days if not a week….   if you are able to  talk to the correct and helpful people  it would have  been fixed…. easily fixed… and for my benefit… and there wouldn’t be a horrible outcome that is totally  the result  from the manipulation of the situation….  once again i say… malicious intent…. premeditated, deliberate… and calculated…..

 
Maura has never been like some punishing god who wants to harm me… its not who i ever  knew as my sister….  ask gloria fletcher.. or blake fletcher… or anyone who knows her….   for Gods sake this isn’t a game it is my real life…. and i have to deal with the real consequences of not  begin able to contact the family/friends  who can help me make everything right…  dont you get it?… you  are ruining a real life.. my real life….

again i repeat.. my sister Maura.. is not like some punishing  GOD… who is out to  harm me to see what will happen .. or worse yet who doesn’t  care what will happen… she just wouldn’t . do that or be like that …. she’s a great lawyer…. with great advice… and i know would have fixed this  situation in a minute…. ….

It feel as if these sickos onteh phone also  don’t want me to have  any friends.. and especially  any  friends  who made wise choices and have  secure  finances….  even family or friends  that would  be willing to help so i could just borrow  the money .. get my home back..then pay them  back….. some of  these people on the   phone have  wanted to really profit and  i mean big time profit… off my misfortune.. ..   they have yelled at  me.. not knwing anything aobut me or mywork ethic.. theytellme to go get a job… that  they have been  telling me this for years… which is a lie.. that acuallyjstu started recently… of couse th eiditos ont he phone dont knwo tha i helped mymom whtn i ws 10 or 11 and  we allhelped withher tours… learneto ansere th aphone with proper etiquette… and  gained tha entrpreneural spitit. aobu the same time…HA! theydont knwo tha kathey yung an i  started a peanut brittle busniess.. when we wer 11 or 12… that  i thought it ws funto hve money adn starte busnesses.. i still do…. in fact they had no idea tha i had contracts   15,000.00  per project… when i was still faux painting for my own  business… with a minimum of $825.00 to walk into  a room ( including stenciled boarder or a powder bath… to do anything…. that my  contract s for  the projects.. the sample boards.. and every aspect of the business.. i was excited to create…  all i can say is that  i know  last year when i was working with  group of sitters  at the  Edwards Jones group….  one sitter named Andrea mots said her husband was yelling  at her to get a job.. now i never met the man…  and i don’t know who  these people are acting like but  I can definitely  tell you i don’t enjoy this personality at all…..not one bit!…  who needs about be accused of not working enough.. or yelled at to go get a job when they  know nothing of me or my life…  and my family  helped to chose careers not just jobs.. and carers that you were passionate about… my dad was really big on finding something hat you liked to do… since when you love what you do it isn’t like work…

 i can tell you … the truth… its just not the same….   nothing like  that philosophy…  has one  of the conversations… nothing  nice.. and thought provoking… or inspirational…  who are these people? mostly  i get upset at them trying to predict a horrid future for me…  or who are they acting like?…. its not like  my family….  and its like  sometimes it is a repeated  tape… nothing real or original..or normal… hen they find a sore spot.. like i get sensitive when they talk bad about  my sisters..then they  so for the  kill… and try to make me really upset.. or when they want t me to believe the  worst thing ever…. ..that i have to move from a home i have had since1999…. that my mom and dad helped  me to pick out… lose my home and have nothing…then they l go on and on until i have a stomach ache and get mad… and eventually cry…. ….  its  like they have a series f scripts thy read from… or a series of events/ stories…. with the argument.. the same hurting…  but like different people saying the same things…. does that make any sense… its like they only know one page of dialogue.. nothing before the page and nothing after.. jut one page…..and if its  rotten page…. then  i get to cry a lot…. and its like the girls know who might  be listening.. who they want to  make me look bad for and how…   they are clever i must give them that.. and sneaky and of course so fake it isn’t  funny i bit they put on a fake smile and act so sweet.. ( not  genuine in the least….especially  if they can bully….. like they do… well… then ti guess evil comes in all sorts of packages… )  but karne used to actually trespass at eh exact moment  i was leaving my home..in fact a few times she ran right in front of my car…. and i would be upset for house… same with the cards i would  get that&nb
sp; were post marked from Cleveland.. and anonymous.(of course) .. but had mean messages inside…. i  eventually became  so frightened to open anything… that might be from the bullies… an their families…. and when i did  by mistake… i and would get upset…it would take so long to calm down… i guess that is why they did it to spoil holidays…     

   my voice  is horse.. and stomach hurts.. i hate that thee strangers want me to have this horrid unloving and rotten family… so not only  is it o.k. to bully me… and make me cry.. but to isolate me form real family members who actually know and love me…

 i’m assuming since  they have tried to get me to speak bad of y sisters.. they  have most probably done this to them… made them speak bad of me?.. or did my sisters  stand up for me? ..i wonder….  anyway… tired and  have written allot…  its ashame thiswebsite was supposed to be all about he fun of dating and meeting mr. right… and love and romance.. and…. 

Sunday July 24th 2011 @7:36pm ( downto the wire… )

So this home thing has me in knots… and upset and very , very upset …..since when i tried to call people from my home and from my magic jack phone.. and it was not connecting me to the right people… i went to the ritz carlton and used there pay phone…. i used up all the quarters i had and then some…. i called everyone….  then i figured since my phone and the people(  i mean …..some really mean people over these past  weeks… ) were  trying to make sure I  had no options.. no family and no friends who could help…. and i swear…i actually had friends… i mean real friends.. who would have really helped… and family who would have really helped…. if i could  only get to talk  them….i thought that perhaps the phone and the computer might not allow me to talk to the right people or email the right people.. so i went to Kinko’s  and was there until past 11pm emailing. getting addresses and phone numbers.. blogging…. and trying to get all the  info i could so that i could find the right people who could  actually help.. if you look on the blog for www.mysearchforjusticec.com… i even blogged about a horrid email that was definitely not from  my cousin tommy shepperd ..  today i tried to contact even more people… the phone was really selective.. i couldn’t  get through to the church…. and i don’t know if i really did get to talk to the right people..my mom was really positive and  helpful for most of the day… except for the last call… now at around 7:47 when once again it was some one   with  AAA who wanted to tow my car…  and was surprised that the transmission  cost 5,000.00

…honestly i cant talk about the  possibility that i will lose my home.. i get all choked up.. and cry…my stomach hurts…. and  the future looks really bleak… i actually had a really mean person  who forgot how much i actually did for the babysitting business..and the etiquette school…. the contract  that actually landed the Waldorf exclusive sitting… the  non compete form i created.. the websites i created.. the business plan and executive summary  I created…  even time helping to restructure the business cards.. pick  up the cards when they  were finished.. just  everything…. . helping my mom to organize the school facility… labeling … there was a lot…. and yes these are all skills that i can use so it wasn’t a waste…it just didn’t help that i worked with out pay stubs and  without documentation  like even deposit  receipts for money being paid.. (since  I didn’t get paid… no receipts)….  that could l have helped me to get a loan…. then i wouldn’t  be praying and hoping that  something  will come through… like a miracle… we left a message   with the priests again…. i  posted  all 530 of my facebook friends.. to ask for there help and ideas.. and help… i emailed everyone… i tried to call a bunch but i don’t  know if any of my calls ever got through… .my mom even had an idea… if  530 people put in a loan of 82.00….and i paid them all back 100 dollars…. adn coudl pay them all off in 12 to 18 months…. then i would have enough to pay off the  loan…    bit by bit… my idea was to put in an extra 10,000 on top of the 43,000 at whatever interest…. and then they would surely have an incentive for  the loan….right? ….  i want everything settled in  my favor now!… so i can rest peacefully tonight… knowing that i will have my home in my name… and then  the next task is to get additional work…  if the church  wants me to work …. i don’t  know if they would want me to work for free.. ( which i just recently discovered hurts me a bit in the end…) or  garnish a portion of my wages…. so now … i will just have to wait…… i  called in prayers to my old high school/ boarding school  villa maria… i first called them on the 14th of  July …. when i first found out…  I also called st Williams.. and put in prayer requests for ave maria.. and for st Williams…  even the St Jude websites…. i both called and put a request in writing.. when i was talking to sister jean(from villa) she said that the day (or two0 when i got so frustrated with god  that he wont hold  my anger against me .. for whatever i said… like in the bible… when peter denied christ 3 times… .  he still became a saint… and was a stong believer…. i am jst totally frustrated and i feel that this whole thing is so manipulated…  actually all the bad and horrible thing i have been through…. have been so manipulated.. and  trying to prove i can take more pain.. is like a  really sick / cruel individual  that i would never want as my family or as my friend …  the people who want the phone numbers of those individuals who could help me.. i thought they were trying to help..when in fact hey weren’t trying to help….  the ones who yell at me on the phone… on purpose.. to make me look back knowing i will get upset as well….  those are really nt nice people…and really not on my side for me to have a great and wonderful life.. who is so jelious..and so mean to ruin a life…. on purpose? and a person’s real life… my real life… why?

anyway just typing about it…  gets me upset… so no more… just wanted to put in an entry to say when i prayed and who was praying with me…. i can’t wait to be able  to say that god came through with   answering my prayers…. right? sister jean from villa asked me  to call her and let her know when my prayers were answered.. the Carmelites will be really  disappointed if this one prayer isn’t answered so will the  convent full of blue nuns at villa…. and anyone  i have been telling that i have been saying a st Jude novena… will be just so much harder to say they believe in prayer… right? and for me….. what i told  God today…if he didn’t come through i just don’t  think i could go to mass again.. or pray again… i don’t think i woudl see the point in anything…..  when he forgot me…. and abandoned me…  and let a bunch of really elfish people jump up and down and say they won they won…   by being evil and lying an cheating and stealing.. by manipulating and  ruing my life….and dong so on purpose… then  for real evil will have won…

Saturday july 23rd 2011 @ 10:30pm ( teh ntoe i wrote adn gave to teh ritz carlton gormet shop…. simialr to allteh thank you notes i wrote and gave out yesterday… )

to everyone at eh Gormet shop ( rttz carlton beach resort naples florida )

i dont knwo if in a card i can honestly and with teh sincerest heart let you know how gratedful and thankful i am fo r yoru kindness  oyour friendship adn your warn smilesagreetings over these past years.. but inthis card i will certainly tryto convey the epth of my appreciation!
When people or teh workd woudl seem to make me cry or bully me.. i knew when i woudl ‘run away.. to teh ritz carlon beach resort  come to  the gormet shop and get my vanila icecream i knew  somehow things woudl start to get better mytears woudl stop  your smiles and warm hello  great and familiar faces were always so freindsly sweet an cice and chaged whatever was going aroun me.. i jstu want to take a moment to thak you fromteh bottoma o fmyheart for al tyour kindness decency adn freindship and to let you know that you mada  positive diffeence in my life an i cant begina to tell youthank you enough.. incase i sont get a chance to bring any small gifts acrds aro giagngerbtad men this  holiay season  i want to make sure you ar aware of how much i appreciat al of ou guys and all teh peole and the ritz carlton beach resort ni naples 

I guess you can consider this a bit of an  early holiday /christmas card wth teh warmenst of wishes for ou and yoru families.. i am stil saying that st jude novena everyday and include  your an yoru familys with a prayer for protection form harm adn for blessign youadn yoru families may bl yoru wishes adn dreams come true adn may ou ahve a great new year! with sincerest than kyou for everything luv mary jean ziska

Thursday July 21st 2011 @ ( events of yesterday and today..).

late last night i went to go and say my novena… at st John’s catholic church …. I also stopped by see the beach.  I hadn’t been there in a while… and it is always so peaceful… and private….  i do my usual… lucky rub on the camel head… bless myself… and  soak in the waves… the sights the sounds and the wind… say a small prayer.. say out loud where the hell are you god?…. and then I went by the  ritz carlton beach resort…   I had written early thank you and holiday greetings cards… and  gave one to the valets.. and found  out the  time the gourmet shop was supposed to open… in the morning… I wanted to wake up early….  go there get their delicious scones and croissants avec chocolate… and  start my day trying to see if god and all my friends and  family would  be able to produce a miracle for this horrible situation of my home being  auctioned …. or the hoa to be paid… no auction… and  this to be all over….  no more tears.. no more of someone profiting from my suffereing…. and for great adn wonderful things to start happening… 

i did wake up early… and get on the treadmill.. showered and had some breakfast… then  by the time i was ready to go to the ritz… it was too close to the    time i had set up an appointment   for the  bank.. i went to two banks to see if it was possible to get a loan.. to do something…   there was an option of having  a CD or savings account and getting a  loan based on that…  would  have been the  fastest way to do something…  but to no avail….
so starting to cry..to feel like God and  everyone had basically abandoned me….. at least everyone i had spoken to on the phone….   i went to St john’s catholic church to see if father Len was there so i could tell him that God hasn’t come through with a miracle … and it was really cutting it close….  and  to ask Why?  Why hadn’t my st Jude prayer been answered…. was i saying the prayer wrong? or what was the real deal… 

Father Len wasn’t there so i spoke with a new priest Father tom Kelly…..  super nice .. and about my age… we spoke for a really long time…  we had a chance to talk about everything … not jsut about  god.. or  about  prayers…  he let me sit in his seat and we did a bit a of a roll reversal i guess you could call it.. where i was telling him  to believe in miracles… to be positive and that  the church has a ton of resources that everything was going to work out  according to  my heart and desires..that god doesn’t  give his child a stone instead of a fish when he is hungry…( totally misquoted….  the scripture .. sorry….)     but we talked abut the newsboy song ” shine.” and how people should be something other s want to emulate…. that is how or why people will start believing and have faith…  we spoke abut all the horrid experiences i have had to go through…including bullies and i even showed him karn kahel’s picture adn todl him she used to go tht st john’s …. and how the one tme i went to church she even went to sit by me and when I  moved to another seat…  she moved.. to be close to me… i guess it scare me… or make me feel uncomfortable… who knows why anyone bulliles..or harms others except for their own selfish intensions… he  even pulled up my website www.mysearchforjustice.com .  We talked abut families.. and i told him of the most recent  people who couldn’t  possibly be my family…  especially that dad… a horrible dad who said if i committed  suicide it wouldn’t affect his life… definitely not my dad.. or even a friend… lt alone some one who cared and loved me…  i must say by the time i left i wasn’t crying anymore.. and  i have hope that  this entire situation will be resolved and i will have my home… and in  my name… and  life can  hopefully  and god willing go back to what it should  have been…. please pray  for me….   we even talked abuot some ideas for the church to  introduce some great new services… like helping to encourage and  assist  in people  starting new businesses.. or angel investing so they can help businesses   grow…   he thought my calling was to be an entrepreneur…  (at one point in time he thought maybe i had a calling to suffer… to  which i replied …absolutely not…. HA!) we talked abut a service where businesses could find assistance and resources to help  them be more successful…  then do a  donation …. maybe a time of service and money to then help another  person and business to succeed… my mom said it was a bit like a “pay it forward” situation…. ( and guess what? on channel #96 tonight is the movie “pay it forward”…  weird coincidences…  right? )

anyway…. after seeing father Kelly I was soooo tired and exhausted… I came home and ate something  and  crashed….. i felt like  i  could  have  just slept forever… even thought i wanted to just  rest  my eyes until the swelling went down…  and my stomach and heart stopped being upset whenever i thought about what some people  are  wanting me to go through…. to lose my home.. my business.. and  everything…

I actually  had someone  on the phone tonight  tell me its no big deal..losing everything….. finally I thought  of a good comeback… I should  just  tell these people… the ones who want me to lose everything…  is so good for them to know that since possessions  or a home doesn’t matter to them it is good to know  that they will give up everything they have…. for someone else…  or jsut  lose everything…I bet they wouldn’t be so passive… if it was happening to them….. right? or to their children….

I forgot to mention that when i left the  ritz i saw two police  cars pulling over this silver car…   one car ended up leaving and for a light moment he was behind me and i  felt safe.. safe like when my friend Scott or anyone who was really a friend or great family member would protect me from all harm…  like someone ” has your  back”…… and i will be safe from harm.. and after meeting with the priest… that somehow a miracle will happen and I will  have my heart desires… my condo in my name with it all paid off and be able to start fresh with no drama and trauma…     except I would want to have a video security surveillance..  to stop all future drama and trauma….  gosh wouldn’t  that be great…..   or a multimillion dollar lottery ticket….  immediately… ( the lotto and power ball tickets for wed the  20th didn’t win at all…. ) 

   

Thursday July 21 2011 ( have you ever? )

trying to retype my post of the have you ever ….. weird things with the computer..  last post… 

have you ever really believed  that miracles happen?

have you ever really wanted to speak to people from your past.. or even your present and make sure they knew how much they mean to you… and how valuable they are to you? to thank them for just  being a part of your  life…   for making you smile…. and laugh… and make damm sure that they know  i mean really know that they made a difference in you life?

have you ever  wanted to make sure that everyone knew that you loved them… 

have you ever wished  you could actually spend  time with loved ones or friends… one last time…
just  I think it is so important to tell everyone what you want them to know… I learned that fact when  david stupay killed  himself at boarding school…. at military school …. that is why i wear his ring.. to try to remember to say what you mean… to be honest.. and to actually  say everything you want to say… part because you never know what is going  to happen…  didn’t 9/11 teach that as well?

Have  you ever cried so much that you think there is no possible way 
you still have  any tears left? and then felt so exhausted…. just 
emotionally drained… that you went to lie down in your bed and just 
didn’t get up for hours… ..  have you ever honestly thought that there
was a god who could come through even if it was last minute with a
miracle?  have you ever jstu wantd to talk to people  who were special
to you  and let them know how important they are to you… well if you haven’t make sure you do….

Thursday July 21st 2011 @7:10pm ( have you ever?)

Have  you ever cried so much that you think there is no possible way  you still have  any tears left? and then felt so exhausted…. just  emotionally drained… that you went to lie down in your bed and just  didn’t get up for hours… ..  have you ever honestly thought that there was a god who could come through even if it was last minute with a miracle?  have you ever jstu wantd to talk to people  who were special to you  and let them know how important they are to you

July 03 2011 @5:48pm ( so much to catch up on….)

Well this past week i feel like i have been fixing and re fixing computers… downloading and re downloading  info and disks and just when i think  that i have everything fixed i would plug in something into the usb port and kaboom.. the blue screen o f death saying ” bad pool header”…. or some other message that made no sens to me… and would  leave me scrambling to  Google what i was to do to fix it.. or contacting my computer website that has an automated chat… and is really not much help… UGG so i have tons to catch up on ….

my sisiter was in town for two weeks and it was like a stranger was here… i don’t know who she was acting like but i have to say this visit was nothing like any other visit i have ever had with  a loving  and caring sister… it wasn’t like my best friend.. and i feel even more lonely after her non visit…. this un-twin who shares my birthday… who i considered one of my best friends… who i wanted to go to Europe with… to bless with having her hopes and dreams come true…. actually made me cry… and when i cried i thumbs up was given  by her… sh acted like a uncaring boy… like a stranger… and like someone who just wanted some thing from me…  i found out at the end of the visit it is  a photo album… did i mention that this person hung out with  Sheri one of the babysitters instead of my mom? weird… so no after giving a diamond and sapphire ring to what was supposed to be my sister and she said score as if she had just conned me out of a ring my sister had told mt to keep safe….i won’t  turn over any of my families possessions ….. i have had far to many con artist in my life since meeting gerard and his scummy parasitic associates…ugg….   

 you know the anticipation of having your best friend come to visit… hoping you can just catch up and talk… can  share all your new hopes and dreams… hoping you can  ask advice.. and hugs and memories… i mean when i went to a reunion with kathy young, and carolyn walters and kathie higdon in texas…  it was like not a minute had gone by.. we could  chat about ……. growing up… literary…. they knew everything.. we even went through our old jr high journals…. with tons of notes… still dint know how we managed to learn anything.. all we did was write notes….

from memories of   jr. high..we talked about ….  life in Saudi.. about memories and new adventures.. about  family and children… about everything… like  real friends ….   i used to talk on the phone for hours and hours to all my friends…

i often wonder when i stated talking to the wrong  people on the phone.. i still want to think it was 2003 when gerard got  terrible about me always having my cell phone on and with me at all times… when he threatened me on the phone..

was it when  i had my own business… starting when i moved into my condo in 1999? or when i met the scum of the earth in 2003?….  was that when jobs and business were first stolen?

possibly….  i was too naive… too innocent and too trusting then…. … i just saw the Italian job… (a movie about criminals)…

when will anyone make some nice movies that don’t  involve making criminals glamorous?  in the movie… n criminals were manipulating lives by screwing up their phone lines.. even having a fake cable person come to fix the cable… life imitating art? or art imitating life……. also these criminals had the knowledge to  manipulate the lights at intersections to divert traffic…   its no fair… criminals winning… bullies winning…. its just not fair…. when will any of the good guys actually win… succeed and  when will these criminals be put in jail and not allowed to harm anyone ever again?