So when I said I wanted a nice waspy clean cut conservative
guy…… one with a mom who was a member of jr league… one who I could accompany on shopping adventures at
waterside shops… one who I could laugh with who was a starch republican,
who was honest, and trustworthy, who
actually was intelligent and believed in furthering education… actually supportative of me attaining an mba…
or having a successful business… or even who appreciated me as a great mother
and wife….. I came up with a list of all
kinds of attributes that I have always admired in this “mythical guy”…. You know not just
handsome… which in my case meant blond hair, blue eyes.. tall, thin, intelligent
athletic and friendly and loyal and faithful someone who could be your best friend…. Who you could share your hopes
and dreams with… who made your life
better by just being a part of it…. Who enjoyed my company as much as I enjoyed
his… who believed in dreams coming true… in life being everything you ever
wanted in it… and who was amazing…..
one who was a true partner, who actually liked me.. wanted to spend time
with me… a real.. person.. without a multiple of issues and problems…
Were is anyone like that??????? Anyone…. One normal
person… or family….. one guy who
is Caucasian tall, thin. Blond…. Or blond
at one time… And blue eyed… who can carry on a normal conversation.. even be
witty… is that really too much to ask
for? A person with ambition…. Like the
vineyard vine guys….who created a business….. how about the visionaries… dreamers
with practical experience and practical experience
applications… and someone with ambition…. Drive… and goals and a bucket list….
And passion…. With life.. and their family … and the ability
to be great to their family.. and be a
great dad….
The list is never ending.. and I honestly don’t think there
is anyone who will ever allow me to meet
such a guy… if he even exists…. I
don’t think the ” freaks” in charge.. the ones who think they are” god”… will ever allow me
to be the best possible me.. and have
the life I was supposed to have… will ever
stop harmng my life.. they ruined my
credit… stole my identity…. Put me though the worst experiences of my life… and
they never stop.. since 2002…. I have just horrid experiences to go though… one
horrible experience after another that ruins
yet another part of my life… they took a
very happy nice innocent well adjusted
girl…opps… woman… who had hopes and dreams.. who had ambitions and desires
for specific goals to be met.. who imagined a great life and future because I
had had a great life once wonderful family
once and wonderful friends once… And then they systematically ruined
everything…. And destroyed what should have been ten great years of my life
where I should have been able to date
get married.. have children, have a career… go on to further my
education if I so desired…. Take classes
of interest.. throw dinner parties… go on vacations and laugh and make great
memories…. Joined not only my soriority alumni
association but also be a member of jr league.. and make a postivie difference
in the lives I was able to touch…
Somedays talking to people on the phone… it’s like talking
to total strangers… I end up in tears… feeling like I had just wasted time energy
and my own thoughts and feelings..
on who? And why? I am left with this empty
pit where my heart used to be… and feeling more alone… wondering who the
hell I was sharing my thoughts or feelings with…and how they were going to use that information to harm my life… I used
to think how glorious it was to share my thought s and feelings to these people
on the phone.. who were suppsed to love me to care about me to be my genuine friends
and family…. How great to build these bonds of knowledge of trust and of all
the little stories you gather over your
shard lifetime… but if you are not sharing the stories.. the comments on books or televisions shows.. not sharing your utmost dreams with someone who actually
does care… what a waste ….. when there
are genuine friends… I cannot seem to contact… that I cannot seem to reach or
speak to… who would honestly care… Help… find me… please….
I am lonely… and I miss my family and I miss my friends… i miss them every minute of every day….. I miss the life I had and
the life I was supposed to have …. And I
honestly hate the imposter criminal scum
who stole it all from me… I will never
forgive or forget… EVER……your part in all of this…