I don’t even thin k they raise men like that anymore.. at least I haven’t met anyone like that in at least the past  12-20 years… I  think my dad was a man raised to keep his promises..  and who would actually be someone who would honor an  agreement like that.. where you   live your life with integrity and honor…  not like so many  people….  Who  are just out for themselves… who will hurt anyone..  to get what they need…   the mentality of “ what’s in it for me….”  

I think I was really lucky that I was blessed  to be raised  by people who taught me to be considerate… to be thoughtful… to be honorable… to  be ethical….   But  on the flip side.. being raised to be honest, and truthful and trust in  people… that  actually made me really vulnerable to the scum and con-artist and criminals who  have ruined my life…..    but  growing up  in an American  community that was really safe .. a gated community in Saudi Arabia where    we didn’t need to lock our doors… and since it was a dry county. No alcohol problems…  and over all very safe  an d no real problems to deal with…. No crime since it was a country with  capital punishment… and it was really a pretty nice environment… so it was easy to be raised with values of the 1950’s….  an in a safe environment like the1950’s at least that is what my parent s told me…

Anyway… I guess when I wrote the gingerbread man story.. I really had hoped to meet a man of integrity of honestly.. a real  man  who was like a hero…  but…  no such luck… actually nothing even close…   instead  I had to deal with  the bottom of the barrel…  people who put me through horrid situations and horrid experiences….    

I told someone recently about this movie “sliding doors” with gwenth paltrow.. where    the plot goes through an entire” what if” scenario…. You know if you make this choice then these occurrences happen. But what if you had made another choice…    

If I hadn’t been raised to be  such a “good ‘ girl ..to always tell the  truth.. or to be honest and  generous.. or trusting…    or had just never met any criminals… 

My life would have been really amazing… what a waste what a shame….   No story book  twelve years of sheer bliss… and a happily  ever after ending  for my  story… ( like the story of my life… ha.. had a great beginning.. great middle.. but a horrid  time for now… so here is hoping that   things start looking up… and I can  boast of god answering prayers… of  true love still existing… and I can find that great gingerbread man… have a wonderful life… a great  life…. Where wishes and dreams do come true….     But for now.. fixing the ….hell….. a bunch of horrid people made me go through…  and trying to figure out  if there are any great  and honest people left in this world… who won’t lie to you .. steal from you and take advantage of you for their own selfish intensions….  Who honor commitments.. and who you can honestly trust… ….  And who actually makes   your life  sooo much better just by being a part of your  life…    I can’t even  tell  you  how lonely and isolated it has felt when you never meet anyone who actually could possibly be a real friend….   I’m not talking about acquaintances.. but those genuine morals and values.. and who actually  is amazing… those type of people you just  know  you will know  your entire life  and who …        would be   available to help in an emergency.. in an instant…  to help…  no questions..   just real friendship….

I guess I miss that the most… the  friendships.. long talks on the  phone with real friends you know you are building lifelong relationships… and who you can laugh with  ..who genuinely wants to spend time with you.. and who   values you as much as you value them….     Yes… the constant  contact with real friends…    would have enhance my life sooo much…