I have a great sister who was an art director of a fortune 500 country…. I have to brag a bit… she is sooo talented..   and so creative and can do so many things…. well when i saw the  email with my goop newsletter… post….  and ad add for these great jobs.. i emailed my sisiter right away… here is the ad:

Goop is hiring
Director of Social Media
Jr. Web/Graphic Designer 

must be london based to apply…. send resume to :  jobs@goop.com 

 Wow…. what  a fun opportunity for somene who is talented beautiful,  creative , single,  and did i mention ……. sooooo talented   … like my sister….  

it was fun seeing an add or something that makes you remember  the person you love… and is oen of yoru best freinds… it was soo fun havin gmy mom come back from all her trips around the world.. she would always have presents for us… her three daughters.. and  so often it was  items she picked up because she knew  the itmes would make me happy… or she thought of us when she saw them…. and i learned to do the same thing.. its soo fun to share what the people  you love …. love… to get  a trinket that makes tehm smile.. or to call them whe a great movie is on they love.. or a t.v show that they are interest in… or an article or book… that makes them  jsut share a piece of  yoru life with them… or i guess ther life with you….

mysisters were great about hat as well… when you have  your sisters as  a part of your  best friends…  group….. and even when you have those great best friends you get to know for the majority of your life… who know you soemtimes better than yourself.. who jsut their presence  and kind words makes your life better….. and who youwant to do all those  same nice things for them because they do allthose nice things for you.. and they do it jsut because they like  you… not for some alterior motive…  

anyway i miss my genuine friends…. myloving family…. and  allthose people who have  taken teh time to make my life better… and all the kind gifts, that had meaning and setiment  and showed you cared.. and you knew me and loved me…. to those people… thank you… and i miss you     

so  on my yahoo account i  now have these adds in spanish… i don tspeak spanish and i dont know how the hell to get rid of them…. also when i had  to walk to publix the other day….

(long story but the gist of it is that when ever the idenity thief seems to be out and about… i have these  horrid thngs happen to my life… and it stops me from having my life… like  closng bank accounts.. or  my car…like when it jsut soooo happens… to not work on  saturdays… when  a few times … like  three times in two months…  but it workd every  other day …. hummmm very wierd right? or jsut other stuff… that can’t be just  some wierd coinicidence….  you’d have to read my website and blog:  www.mysearchforjustice.com ……to read allthe details…. 

anyway.. when i was walking to  publix ….istopped at the guard gate to make a phone call to tellmy mom that my car again.. on a sat. isn’t  working…. but it worked the  day before… and even a guy put this scanner on the car… and didnt say antyhig was really wrong with the car… …. but i got a bit off topic…. the topic is… that the guard at my  guard gate started speaking spanish to me… I don’t speak spanish… 


i think i have done the whole heritage thing… before… but lets reiterate… 

my father’s side..  bohemian/ chek/ 
my mother’s side….. irish/ austrian
and probalby a few other countires.. but european…. not spanish….  and its wierd… i started thinking way back wehn i used to take trips to go and visit my sister mattie and maura in palm beach… and mattie ate a lot of rice and beans.. because she is a vegitarian…. Did  someone thng i was spanidh allteh way back then… because it was 2002 when my idenity was stolen… and  my capital one cridit card was compromised… 

anyway… anted to get it out there… once again…   
         

 actually a horid day and night… I was actually gettin gmy home /condo ready for my aunt fran /mom/, sister madelon marie ziska.and cousin david to come into town and after dinner come onve rot vist… at least that is what i was hoping.. but as i am wriing this.. 7:05pm…. they are haivn dinner at flemmings… adn myaunt will come visit another time.. I decide to stay here….  and  get some of this stuff out of the way…..

Its kind of a nice feeling when  you can check off the items on the to do list…  like i redecorated teh den… i een painted the walls a great chocolate/tan /taupe color….. not an exact color…. because i mixed a ton of colors  to get the color… but i must say it came out pretty nice….   i turned an additonal  shelving unit into and armoire…  and  all sorts of things around my home…   Today i  even found this spray paint…  and started paintin ganything that wasn twhite enough……. I’ve organized and streightened the garage and even have lables on everything!HA!…. 

Fred  even trimmed the ficus trees  i have on the lanai….  i wasnted to grow the trees into topaiairs… ( but it is a task that must admidt i am really not capable of doing…HA!) instaed they are now more boxy…. which seems to work… I love the manicured hedges of palm beach…. actually they have soem beautiful landscaping her in naples as well… i’m one of those people who really likes things organized.. and labled… and very uniform….   thngs really clean and  usually rally neat…  

anyway…. its sooo much easier to delegate and have others who are really great at their profesion…. i’ll let them  do their jobs…

 like next life time.. i get to have a great gardner, maid, adn personal assistant!!!!!! and maybe next lifetime i get to have a nanny and all sorts of assistance.. a personal chef..  with my wonderful family…. you know… my husband who is tall and thinish( athletic thinish …..)  and blond and blue eyes.. with  our   two blond haired blue eyed little children…  and in our lovely home…  i will get to have a successful business… and everything back that was ruined or stolen this lifetime… and i can still  have all my genuine friends that i miss dearly… the friends i made  growing up in saudi arabia….  and  in school:  college,  high school, in france… and  through out my life….  
  yep next life time will be great!!!! 

to catch up on the last few weeks… one wierd thing…. I actually had someone tellin gme that they wanted to sell my mom’s wedding dress on ebay…. of course sice she had her dress packed.. and had been saving it for her daughters .. I flipped…. seriously mean  girls on the phone… you honestly want to try to tell me that a woman who was/is sooo sentimental… who loved her daughters sooooo much…  who had saved her dress… had it specially packed to perserve it…. for at least 45 years …( since i am 45 and she got maried way before my birth… )  that this same woman that i  actually even had a  conversation about  the dream weddings…. the perfect guy.. and  all that would  entail….   tht one day she wouls p and decide to start doing ebqy which she never did before.. and decide to sell something that is sooooo precious it could  be the topic of one of those mastercard priceless commercials….you know… one of those heart to heart conversations about    generations of women……. and the necessary elements of a wedding….. something  old/ something  blue/something borrowed/……. its not fesiable… i cried sooo much when the cold hearted witch on the phone    tried to convince me of these lies….. i remembered the  movie 27 dresses…  

I was going to  put the quote and blog post  when it happened.. which was this past thursday…and since then the situation has been rectified… and the lie has been stopped…. but  Here is the quote anyway….
 
when ( Jane … the nice and great sister) finds out that her sister ( tess the selfish and lying sister who pretends she is everything  that this guy wants… ) when jane finds out  
tht her sister cut up her mothr’s wedding dress….
“Nooooo
You dont care… you dont care about anyone but your self do you… 
But enough is enough…. 

I CAN’T UNDO WHAT YOU’VE  JUST DONE…
 
TESS:  YOU WOULDNT HURT A FLY AND YOU DEFINATLY WOULDN’T  HURT ME ….I’M YOUR  SISTER…  

JANE:  THAT WAS YESTERDAY… TODAY YOUR JUST SOME BITCH WHO BROKE MY HEART AND  CUT UP MY MOTHER’S WEDDING DRESS

Tess:  Well it wouldnt  have fit you anyway….. 

    

Here is a thought boys…. perhaps when a girl doesn’t  want  to sleep with you..it doesn’t mean she is gay.. or even that  there is something “wrong” with the girl…   it means that she is not ( and i repeat …NOT atracted to you…. ) that maybe your  are not  someone she  thinks is attractive … to her….

that doesn’t mean that the guy isnt  attractive to someone else… but  perhaps she has always liked tallish guys… who are thin and have an athletic build…  who  make her feel safe.. and protected.. or perhaps she thinks that piercing blue eyes are  memorizing… and she loves light hair  and only  wants to date caucausian guys…  it is just her perference…  in the physical looks  department.. and her right to pick who she wants…  and who or what she likes…  jsut as he is able to  pick  the “physical type” of girl he is attracted to…  but that doesn’t mean that they  can’t be friends…. unless the guy has never been able  to be a friend  to a girl…. 

so concerning the  topic of  friends  and guys and girls being  able to be friends… like  in  “when harry met sally”….  harry believed that guys and girls can’t be friends… but once he matured in the movie…  and understood what a real relationship needed to survive… and understood what love actually was….  he actaully found that  this girl who he actually was attracted to and was a friend… and most imposrtantly she was likewise  attracted to him… was the person  that she /he were meant to be together…   but  for a long time they were friends….  like real friends.. able to “hang out” have conversations… and able to be there for each other… in great times and in bad times…    wow… really refreshing right? 


and then there is the entire  personality  part of a compatible relationship…. but wait.. i think that  the type of guy who believes that a girl must be gay because she does not want any guy to  put his hands on her…. or to rub up against her.. or to show unwated affections…  this  type of guy…. jsut will never get it…   ohhhh wellll….. too bad…. anyway….      

so guys…  i know your ego is fragil.. and   you may not understand that not every girl likes the same type of guy…  don’t  take it soooo personally…    can’t you jsut be a freind with a girl?… i mean if you actaully respect her… and  like  the way she thinks or acts.. or her kindess.or her way with children.. or her ambition.. or anything that actually lasts…  maybe you will realize that  looks dont  stay teh same… … and  if somemoen  doen’t  want to be “played with” that doesn’t  necessarily mean that  the girl is boring… jsut that she has different wants and needs in a relationship.. maybe grown up attitudes about  maintaing and sustaining a real relationship not  based on just  the physical act of sex…  especilly if  she is not interested in having sex with  some random guy…  get over it… its like  the movie.. “she is not into you”… HA!… wait  the movie title is actaully  “he’s not that into you”… but it still appllies  if you switch the gender around…  

mabye it takes a different way of thinking about women.. and about love and about  relationships… romantic and freindship…and everythng inbetween….. in that case… be a real friend and let the girl find her real prince charming.. and real   perfect match or gingerbreadman…. and be happy for her when she does… because there is someone  out there… who is made just  for you…  jsut maybe ….. not me… or many other girls but some girl will  do it for you… 

its like the scummy guy who liked  to scare me.. the  brooklyn new york guy who ruined my life… who want honset or trustworthy and was jsut plain criminal and bad…. a bit like  one of the “thug” new jersey types… who talks too loud.. and had no common interests.. with me… but for some reason .. thinks that all woman  love him…  you know the arrogant type.. uneducated.. and very primal…. like a caveman.. who hunts girls as prey… and believes that all the girls in the world are put on earth for him…. UCK>>>>

anyway.. this type of guy is the last person on earth that would ever make me happy or be the type of guy i would  think would  make a great husband..   or even a friend…  but that is jsut me…  i’m sure ther is a girl out ther that loves  that type of guy… not me…. never me… 

i miss my friends and my family…. real friends who help  make your hopes and dreams come true.. and who actually like me  and really love me…. i’ve really missed them a lot…    everyday…. i miss them more  and more….

Here is a thought boys…. perhaps when a girl doesn’t  want  to sleep with you..it doesn’t mean she is gay.. or even that  there is something “wrong” with the girl…   it means that she is not ( and i repeat …NOT atracted to you…. ) that maybe your  are not  someone she  thinks is attractive … to her….

that doesn’t mean that the guy isnt  attractive to someone else… but  perhaps she has always liked tallish guys… who are thin and have an athletic build…  who  make her feel safe.. and protected.. or perhaps she thinks that piercing blue eyes are  memorizing… and she loves light hair  and only  wants to date caucausian guys…  it is just her perference…  in the physical looks  department.. and her right to pick who she wants…  and who or what she likes…  jsut as he is able to  pick  the “physical type” of girl he is attracted to…  but that doesn’t mean that they  can’t be friends…. unless the guy has never been able  to be a friend  to a girl…. 

so concerning the  topic of  friends  and guys and girls being  able to be friends… like  in  “when harry met sally”….  harry believed that guys and girls can’t be friends… but once he matured in the movie…  and understood what a real relationship needed to survive… and understood what love actually was….  he actaully found that  this girl who he actually was attracted to and was a friend… and most imposrtantly she was likewise  attracted to him… was the person  that she /he were meant to be together…   but  for a long time they were friends….  like real friends.. able to “hang out” have conversations… and able to be there for each other… in great times and in bad times…    wow… really refreshing right? 


and then there is the entire  personality  part of a compatible relationship…. but wait.. i think that  the type of guy who believes that a girl must be gay because she does not want any guy to  put his hands on her…. or to rub up against her.. or to show unwated affections…  this  type of guy…. jsut will never get it…   ohhhh wellll….. too bad…. anyway….      

so guys…  i know your ego is fragil.. and   you may not understand that not every girl likes the same type of guy…  don’t  take it soooo personally…    can’t you jsut be a freind with a girl?… i mean if you actaully respect her… and  like  the way she thinks or acts.. or her kindess.or her way with children.. or her ambition.. or anything that actually lasts…  maybe you will realize that  looks dont  stay teh same… … and  if somemoen  doen’t  want to be “played with” that doesn’t  necessarily mean that  the girl is boring… jsut that she has different wants and needs in a relationship.. maybe grown up attitudes about  maintaing and sustaining a real relationship not  based on just  the physical act of sex…  especilly if  she is not interested in having sex with  some random guy…  get over it… its like  the movie.. “she is not into you”… HA!… wait  the movie title is actaully  “he’s not that into you”… but it still appllies  if you switch the gender around…  

mabye it takes a different way of thinking about women.. and about love and about  relationships… romantic and freindship…and everythng inbetween….. in that case… be a real friend and let the girl find her real prince charming.. and real   perfect match or gingerbreadman…. and be happy for her when she does… because there is someone  out there… who is made just  for you…  jsut maybe ….. not me… or many other girls but some girl will  do it for you… 

its like the scummy guy who liked  to scare me.. the  brooklyn new york guy who ruined my life… who want honset or trustworthy and was jsut plain criminal and bad…. a bit like  one of the “thug” new jersey types… who talks too loud.. and had no common interests.. with me… but for some reason .. thinks that all woman  love him…  you know the arrogant type.. uneducated.. and very primal…. like a caveman.. who hunts girls as prey… and believes that all the girls in the world are put on earth for him…. UCK>>>>

anyway.. this type of guy is the last person on earth that would ever make me happy or be the type of guy i would  think would  make a great husband..   or even a friend…  but that is jsut me…  i’m sure ther is a girl out ther that loves  that type of guy… not me…. never me… 

i miss my friends and my family…. real friends who help  make your hopes me and dreams come true.. and who actually likes me  and really loves me…. i’ve really missed them a lot…    everyday…. i miss them more  and more….

so this is a really big quesiton on my mind this evenign or i guess this morning….  so where are my friends?  i cant seem to connect ot them.. and i cannot seem to find them ….  its been at least 8 years… since  carla told me  on christmas eve.. that my familya d freinds thnk i am dead… and i’m starting to think  she may be onto something…HA! ( maybe this isnt a laughing matter….)  sine the identiy  theives started in 2002…. and  no one seems to be able to tell  that i am  really like for real.. the  origioanl mary jean ziska… born 1966…..  and  the wierd comments.. and the   horrible  exereinces i have had to endure…. are still not fixed….  

anyway… jsut need to say.. i miss my frinds and family.. have missed them every day since probaly starting  in 2002 and  if anyone is reading this.. please feel free to contact me…. really….. would  love to hear from  you… tha tis my genuine real authentic friends… and family….   wow how i have missed you…  luv mary jean ziska    

so here is the thing… how hard is it to have a real and genuine conversation these days… i will get ton the phoen with someoen … and they give me a play by play of the dog they are walking.. and teh  weather.. and the stops they make… but when i hang up.. no real conversation ther at all.. its liek a waste of breath….i ean i understan d not every conversation needs to be intelicutal or deep or solve world hunger.. or  even touch on  really valid topics… but  maybe real  quesitons… like how was yoru day.. and how  are you doing… and actually mean  it… and listen to athe answers.. and then go from there…  youknow… back and forth  with real genunine conversation… bringing up past events.. and laughin gabout  current situations… and no restricgtiosn  on what can and cannot be said…  as if you were being sensored or yrouconversation was being recorded.. but autaly really care aboutteh person on the other end of the phone… and take teh time to give real advice if asked… and not interject  personally motivated manipulation…. you know… and wow.. if you can actually talkabout hoes and dreams.. and inspire someone to  believe  again.. in anything… in ther passions.. in ther hopes intheir dreams.. in their lives, jobs… hobbies… in anything… to actually make a conversaon something tha tyou can remember  tha tinspired you… and theat motivated you… een tha t made youalugh… and made you happier.. to feel a kindred spirit onteh other end of the phone… and to knwo the next time you pick up the phone you  will be able to continue or start a new conversation… not  a new freindship.. or have to start all over like a blank charl board with a new dreaft… but hopefully be able to be talkign to a real friend… on e with a history… and a presen tand who wnats to hve many conversations  in teh future…. that to me is the  basis of a real genuine conversaton… no acting.. no fakes.. no fraud… no phonies… and nthing false… but a real genuine authentic conversation either in perosn.. or on the phone.. or even through skype..or chat.. or however  you want to connect to another real human being.. and give  a smart part of your self  over  to another.. to share a moment in time and in life… that is geinuine and real  and cannot be duplicated.. nor stolen… not faked… but just real….    and  when you tell them you love them… that you actually mean it.. 

i missed an entire month of no blogging on the site for mygingerbreadman.com and for mysearchforjustice.com… its not that i havent thought  to blog or to write up  my comments… but it always seemed that there were other things to do.. s i will try to catch up on some of the random thoughts  of the past month… like…

what does a girl actually think is sexy?… perhaps i may be a bit different… but i still like …or am attracted to …. tallish, thinish, blond haired adn blue eyed guys… i mena it has varied over teh years.. and ther have been some exceptions.. but mostly… my head turns  for a really stylish.. guy  who doesnt even know he’s sexy.. like  when he throws on a jacket and ouhead off to dinner… and his manners.. his ettiquete and his conversation.. intreguing… and genuine.. wow.. really is a definate plus…. 

then when he goes out of his way to  follow  through with  a promise.. or to take the time  to make sure  you are safe..  to check on things without being asked.. and to find the subjects you really  find stimulating.. or valuable .. or interesting.. and to be able to actaully talke to you about them..  in an open and  interesting conversation…. and to be able to even sometimes… even take your opinion to heart.. and wow.. if they actually  believe the same way about the same passions you do… that is really sexy… and nice… 

its nice  when  a guy actaully takes the  time to  call in the  middle of  his busy day to say hi and to see how your  day is going…

and  what a treat to have soemoen who actualy rally and honestly likes you… and is hapy to see you.. and to spend time wtih you… ( not a measured time.. like i have 5 minutes what’s up kind of converstaion.. but actaullly really want to get to know you… ) maybe that only happens in the courting phase…  but it is still really nice and realy great when you get to spend quality time with someone  you are really attracted to.. who will  really want to see you happy… and want to make yoru wishes an ddreams coem true.. and actually listens to yoru dreams .. and helps you plan for a future when they do come true….  

so do these guys actually exist? maybe only on paper… but its stilla really nce thought.. to  believe that ther is still a prince charming  out there… who is actully still charming… and polite.. and has manners..and etiquette..and is genuine ..and loyal.. and intelligent.. and kind.. and sincenere… and normal… and  who knows  how to dress well.. and to behave. and to make a woman not feel like some object.. but a person that they genuinely want to spend the rest of their life with…   now that guy woudl be really sexy…right?…. especially in a tux..  or givign a bath to your little child.. or rocking  them to sleep…. or…. doing all those little things you hate to do… just to make your life easier… and following through with  all the promises…. wow… i think i could  just melt thinking of this imaginary gingerbreadman….  good night sweet dreams…