Sunday July 24th 2011 @7:36pm ( downto the wire… )

So this home thing has me in knots… and upset and very , very upset …..since when i tried to call people from my home and from my magic jack phone.. and it was not connecting me to the right people… i went to the ritz carlton and used there pay phone…. i used up all the quarters i had and then some…. i called everyone….  then i figured since my phone and the people(  i mean …..some really mean people over these past  weeks… ) were  trying to make sure I  had no options.. no family and no friends who could help…. and i swear…i actually had friends… i mean real friends.. who would have really helped… and family who would have really helped…. if i could  only get to talk  them….i thought that perhaps the phone and the computer might not allow me to talk to the right people or email the right people.. so i went to Kinko’s  and was there until past 11pm emailing. getting addresses and phone numbers.. blogging…. and trying to get all the  info i could so that i could find the right people who could  actually help.. if you look on the blog for… i even blogged about a horrid email that was definitely not from  my cousin tommy shepperd ..  today i tried to contact even more people… the phone was really selective.. i couldn’t  get through to the church…. and i don’t know if i really did get to talk to the right mom was really positive and  helpful for most of the day… except for the last call… now at around 7:47 when once again it was some one   with  AAA who wanted to tow my car…  and was surprised that the transmission  cost 5,000.00

…honestly i cant talk about the  possibility that i will lose my home.. i get all choked up.. and cry…my stomach hurts…. and  the future looks really bleak… i actually had a really mean person  who forgot how much i actually did for the babysitting business..and the etiquette school…. the contract  that actually landed the Waldorf exclusive sitting… the  non compete form i created.. the websites i created.. the business plan and executive summary  I created…  even time helping to restructure the business cards.. pick  up the cards when they  were finished.. just  everything…. . helping my mom to organize the school facility… labeling … there was a lot…. and yes these are all skills that i can use so it wasn’t a waste…it just didn’t help that i worked with out pay stubs and  without documentation  like even deposit  receipts for money being paid.. (since  I didn’t get paid… no receipts)….  that could l have helped me to get a loan…. then i wouldn’t  be praying and hoping that  something  will come through… like a miracle… we left a message   with the priests again…. i  posted  all 530 of my facebook friends.. to ask for there help and ideas.. and help… i emailed everyone… i tried to call a bunch but i don’t  know if any of my calls ever got through… .my mom even had an idea… if  530 people put in a loan of 82.00….and i paid them all back 100 dollars…. adn coudl pay them all off in 12 to 18 months…. then i would have enough to pay off the  loan…    bit by bit… my idea was to put in an extra 10,000 on top of the 43,000 at whatever interest…. and then they would surely have an incentive for  the loan….right? ….  i want everything settled in  my favor now!… so i can rest peacefully tonight… knowing that i will have my home in my name… and then  the next task is to get additional work…  if the church  wants me to work …. i don’t  know if they would want me to work for free.. ( which i just recently discovered hurts me a bit in the end…) or  garnish a portion of my wages…. so now … i will just have to wait…… i  called in prayers to my old high school/ boarding school  villa maria… i first called them on the 14th of  July …. when i first found out…  I also called st Williams.. and put in prayer requests for ave maria.. and for st Williams…  even the St Jude websites…. i both called and put a request in writing.. when i was talking to sister jean(from villa) she said that the day (or two0 when i got so frustrated with god  that he wont hold  my anger against me .. for whatever i said… like in the bible… when peter denied christ 3 times… .  he still became a saint… and was a stong believer…. i am jst totally frustrated and i feel that this whole thing is so manipulated…  actually all the bad and horrible thing i have been through…. have been so manipulated.. and  trying to prove i can take more pain.. is like a  really sick / cruel individual  that i would never want as my family or as my friend …  the people who want the phone numbers of those individuals who could help me.. i thought they were trying to help..when in fact hey weren’t trying to help….  the ones who yell at me on the phone… on purpose.. to make me look back knowing i will get upset as well….  those are really nt nice people…and really not on my side for me to have a great and wonderful life.. who is so jelious..and so mean to ruin a life…. on purpose? and a person’s real life… my real life… why?

anyway just typing about it…  gets me upset… so no more… just wanted to put in an entry to say when i prayed and who was praying with me…. i can’t wait to be able  to say that god came through with   answering my prayers…. right? sister jean from villa asked me  to call her and let her know when my prayers were answered.. the Carmelites will be really  disappointed if this one prayer isn’t answered so will the  convent full of blue nuns at villa…. and anyone  i have been telling that i have been saying a st Jude novena… will be just so much harder to say they believe in prayer… right? and for me….. what i told  God today…if he didn’t come through i just don’t  think i could go to mass again.. or pray again… i don’t think i woudl see the point in anything…..  when he forgot me…. and abandoned me…  and let a bunch of really elfish people jump up and down and say they won they won…   by being evil and lying an cheating and stealing.. by manipulating and  ruing my life….and dong so on purpose… then  for real evil will have won…