So this morning on morning joe……. i guess the reviews were horrid about the awards show last night… i saw the show.. i didn’t think it was that horrible…

 so while grocery shopping i actually saw one cute guy… totally cute.. light eyes…  light hair… and thin build… yesterday  after going to church..  went to  whole foods… then they had   been out the day before at Publix ..and they didn’t have the tomatoes i usually get.. or any cucumbers…  and while i was at whole foods getting the bread i like and these great dutch cookies… i forgot to see about tomatoes and cucumbers… so the closest store and one i usually go to is Publix.. so  back i went to go and  get tomatoes.. and cucumbers….

so needless to say… to all the peole who see t think that it is o.k. to settle.. like i should settle for the  next guy no mater what.. NO….  and these are the things i hate.. construction workers… motorcycles…  dirty fingernails.. and i am sick and tired of the fatties… no i DON”T  want some guy who drinks beer and watches football and doesn’t even have any manners or etiquette..or education… for some reason.. people kept thinking that is something i would want in my life..  let me tell you again NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO!

So have you ever had one of those days when you start a project and then it turns into an entire  long day ?  I started of today with the dust that had collected…. it seems everywhere… bothering me.. so i  designated this day to getting rid of that … then the sofa cover that i always place my briefcase was  a bit dull so i thought I’d wash it… and ended up dying it…instead… it was yellow… ( i had tried  bleaching it to white but for some reason… it would  not bleach to white….just  yellow… and in the den it always bothered me a bit being that color… the only Ritz dyes i had left over from some experiment of dying something else.. was… purple.. blue.. and black.. so i just  dumped a bunch of the dye packets in the wash.. and… voila.. I ended up with  some variation of the mix… i was hoping it looked like  pewter… then it would tie in with a  few of the items i already have.. but i think it is more purple… so then since purple did not work in the den on that sofa..the only thing left was to move furniture…

I found a postcard from my sister when she got to go backpacking… the post card was from nice.. right on the cote d’Azur…. I bet she had a great time… Maybe my earlier experiences helped to motivate others to go backpacking… to enjoy traveling in Europe…I remember telling Cameron Nice about my  trip and school and he said that the stories helped him decide to go travel in Europe when he graduated college… so i motivated my sister Maura … and Cameron.. and i wonder if there was anyone else?  

11:36 on August 19th 2010So my computer  is being a bit challenging… the posts won’t keep to the fonts I choose… or the size type…. since it is making it much more burdensome to write my thoughts in a free flowing manner I will add on all the ideas for this perfect gingerbread man…later…. from my typing to  Gods ears…. there is still the right guy out there and a winning multimillion dollar lottery ticket with my name all over it!  Could you imagine… having a million dollars or more for a contest to find the right guy for me…HA! Boy would that be fun…. 

Typing on this blog….  this  morning is getting exceedingly frustrating  and since I love to write and create… especially journal type entries.. the disruption makes it seem  like noncontinuous thoughts… so I may continue this later today when the computer  gets rid of all the “BUGS”….HA! luv mary jean ziska

Well I started a post earlier today… then called and spoke with a representative from the website..(Jeff   same name that the tech used last night trying to assist me for hte same website wierd huh? ) …… concerning  inserting a new picture into my website… and making the affiliate program work… the “html code”  isn’t working for creating the adds that will generate revenue…  but Jeff the tec representative wasn’t able to help 

Even when i was trying to manipulate the screens on my  website.. it wasn’t working.. what i mean is that the scrolling function wasn’t allowing me  to move the entire screen up or down… to see the full screen… or  the website wasnt allowing me to insert a new picture… 

…I am going to change the picture either to a picture where you can visibly see the mole by  my left eye and the birthmark on my left upper arm.. or a drivers license  picture…I haven’t decided which picture I want to use… but whichever  one i want to use.. i want to make sure it is a real representation of me… the real mary jean ziska…. 
not some fake… or some phoney… but really me…. wrinkles.. moles.. whatever.. for real… so i dont get mixed up with someone else again….
especially since these rotten people seem to want me to  look bad.. that for some reason being me is some horrible thing…

especially since there is some girl with my same car..except my license  plate that  is:               and i only currently have one sherrif sticker on the back… i have seen  a few cars but like mine (or should i say… mydead aunts.). but they usually have more bumper stickers…

Funny thing ( yep.. off the origional story again)….. but….the same happened when when i had the gold merceds.. you end up noticing the cars like yours..like  there is even one gold mercedes ….. with ohio plates that start with the word DON in the same condo building where I lived during  high school…. small world huh? 

( I of course still have the broken merceds in my garage…. did you ever notice that lots of people say they want to  help.. or will do something  .. but not too many actually ever come through….maybe its just recently… but  i have really noticed  that a lot.. especially with this mercedes )
anyway… kinda disappointing in human nature…. but oh well.. i just  try to do what i say… if i am going to help someone..or at least i will be honest as to why I can’t…


Did i mention that i even saw  a  green saturn heading past me( in the opposite direction on that road that is off immokalee you know right by st. john’s cathoic church..?.) It was with an entire entrange… the funny thing is that a guy who looked like scott renshaw was in a jeep type suv a car infront of the green saturn… this all happend while i was heading to  chruch at 5pm last week…. could that be why i was supposed to be out of my house for this Sunday…HUMMMMM…. I mean some of the “whore to door service  girls”.. used to break in when i would go babysitting…but that was because  they thought I would be gone for minimum of four hours at a time… so they could usually do some serious damage…
 
Today.. since i am home now…and  it is 7:09pm  and since i went to church this morning  at 7am…. and I only saw this red headed girl walking away from near my home when I pulled up after church… how much damage could someone do in an hour or an hour and a half?… trust me.. I don’t want to find out… UGGGG

 
Anyway….This morning  at church I ran into a person( Shaun ) who knew my  youngest sister Mattie from high school…he is also the cousin  of a friend (Julie Culp) that i knew in high school for the one year I went to school here in Naples… but here is where i get nervous again…. he wanted to know if i went out/or go out  to a bar in Bonita(?)….
 
My first thought was Uh oh… oh no…..i’m going to get blamed for something else i didn’t do…. or didn’t go…. or get mistaken for someone else.. again… and lately they haven’t been mistaking me for some great princess.. or some multimillionaire..who is sucessful..or anyone i would ever want to be mistaken for..But on purpose … people have been mixing me up with  someone who God only knows what she does…. 

Did i mention that one lady at the front desk at the carlyle spoke under her breath the one night i was signing out… something  like” well… now we have you out of this condo building”… maybe I was too sensitive.. but all I could think of was… uh oh.. was someone speaking for me again?..  was i suppsoedot have said or done something that i didnt do? maybe ruining  my reputation..or my life…again???
Sheesh.. All I  did was babysit.. and everything went fine.. I was even able to put the child to sleep without any crying… no crying at all!

oranother freaky time…this  one time I know after babysitting I went to go and get gas.. there was this guy getting beer.. who was standing  really close to me..I mean really close.. uncomfortabley close…and almost waited to walk out with me…  and it could have almost looked like we were together…and here it looked like I  was going  out to go party.. when in reality…. i had been babysitting  all night… and was going right home…after getting the gas..boring …but it was what i actully did…
 

see its these type of wierd things… that have been going on these past 7 years… that along with all the freaks who say the wierdest things… like under their breath… as if  they are speaking to you… but  the things they are saying have nothing to do with the current conversation you would be having….just  wierd… especially if  it seems like a eally wierd conversation.. or mean conversation..or jsut demeaning or horrid conversation… to me jsut a bunch of  freaks and frauds… 

If i didn’t believe all these people were such criminals…or at the very least wer not my friends…..I  would just think they were really wierd freaks…but since i know they are not my friends… when they say mean things to me…or “at me” and since i know someone like tha doenst not want me to have a great life…and they do not have my best interest at heart..and they have made me cry and ruined my life soooo much…  I now have to try to  figure out how they are trying or  going to ruin my life.. and hope to God i can prevent it..at least try to prevent it even a little bit… 

But who would go to all the trouble of ruining a person’s life…why????So i don’t see or  inturupt a stupid wedding?… or a party?… or what?… show up where the imposter- me- is having a great time?????????
I mean if karne kahel or any of the other whore to door service girls/boys  the boys play with….  didn’t have a great life…Who cares?… be real and be who you are…. stop being  a wanna be… or trying to manipulate and ruin my life and my freindships  … or relationships… 

I also remember that freak Gerard… told me something  about the video servelliance in even conveince stores… all goes back to the freak telling me i would have no privacy… but he liked to scare me like that… make me think he was all powerful..
that he knew all… and you know what.. the freak did scare me… 
 
Remember.. I told you this one lady i saw at st john’s church… she inturpurupted when i was saying my st jude novena?…. somehow i think she mistook me for someone else because she asked me and for some reason…thought I would know where her alcholic   meeting was……ihad no clue… I was praying at the chapel… but i think some freak spread some lies that i pray because I have some huge problem… I dont….. nor does anyoen in my family!!!!!!!!!!

Other than these people  who harm my life… and wanting a huge financial miracle… some freaks think that the and some other idiot.. tried to tell me that painting the novena on my wall.. was because people turn to God when they “hit  bottom” how the freak knew i had painted on my wall… Hummm i’m thinking breaking and entering…and NO I don’t have any  drinking or drug or mental problems…..i am so tired of allthese lies… they are hurtful…..What kind of evil peole even say those things to anyone… especially when they dont even know you?…. freaks… I tell you freaks!!!!!!!!!….  see… why i don’t trust or ever will probably ever trust again  like i used to …. these will not or could ever be my friends…but do they know some girl that what???? looks like me??? says she is me???? what the hell?????? 

Anyway… also the one girl with the really small teeth also told me something about hitting bottom … for what???? These are mean and evil and hurtful ,liars… and she gave me the name of a book on this yellow taxi notepad..and them boom… i get mixed up the the girl who was sneaking into gated communities in taxi cabs… UGGGG ….

Did i mention that i used to see one of the boy’s “whore to door service girls” who used to travel that way  in and out of gated communiiteis…HA!…at least i used to see her when I would head out to babysit…. and too many times while I was going to go babysit …. i would actually  see the entire ” brat pack” on their way to play games with people’s lives and usually ruining lives.in the process.. at least that is all they have done to my life….ruin too much of it….uggg…anyway… the  liars, cheaters and thieves…… rotten people… anyway…

but this whole last week is probably just an idiot getting married… or a few of them… UGG… what arrogant  idiots..Lets guess…they  are what?… keeping me out of the way….so worried if i saw a fake scott renshaw getting married…that what i would freak… how self important…. or one of the white haired generic blonds  getting married.. I mean how self important.. they they think they are…. sheesh…if they were real friends…they would at least be honest….. the girls i know ar not honest.. and not my freinds… but i must admidt i get really disappointed in the guys… i guess i had a higher opiinion …..or expectd more…but honestly… dishonest is dishonest…right?    

I am however   pissed  that they won’t  allow me  to   have my life… the life  i wanted.. the style i wanted.. the friends i wanted.. the business i wanted..even the furniture i wanted…. how the hell could mylife have affected or harmed their selfish little lives? (selfish ..a name i’ve used very often for the girls involved… but for  the life i wanted i mean….. what the hell????….. of course they are all  selfish… and evil but come on get over yourself…..
who the hell do you really think you are??????????


Opps.. totally off the subject… of putting a new pictue on My website…. (the one i paid for)… I wanted to make sure that my website not only have my picture that really looks like me but it will not be confused with any more of these horrible people…or horrible lies….

 Usually the conartist group will do all sorts of things to get material things that they want by putting me through hell…or trying to change who i am.. who knows why.. my guess is so no one will like me?( ruin my reputaton) .. or believe me.(discredit me) . or who knows why they would be so hurtful, and  evil… but people who do such things are not my friends or my family…

Could it be that most of the  time..i guess they do it to show how much they have ruined a life… my life?… like I am not as “great” as they are since they were able to lie and cheat and steal or however they were able to obtain their lifestyle… whether it is wealthy or not… I don’t really care.. a manipulator is a manipulator.. and a liar is a liar and a bully is a bully…..All I know is that they ruin lives on purpose…and they leave me to fix problems they created…and correct lies they told..
 


I even found myself… actually having to tell people that i had a great life.. or that i went to boarding school..or that i like nice things.. or that i traveled all over the world.. which I never wanted to have to go around telling… why the hellshould i have to prove who i am or that i am valuable?  

I mean you should not have to verify who you are…to make your existance valuable… or to make you worthy to be yourself…. at least to real friends or family..or even to new people you meet….I shouldn’t have to make sure they don’t have me mixed up with anyone else… right? Seriously it really feels like i’ve been kidnapped by the wrong family….at times…  damm actors/conartists….or crimianls…. whoever you are……

But after 7 years  full of absolute hellish experinces…. . of lies.. and of all these people manipulating everything so that i never get any part of the life i ever wanted… I find myself having to prove who i am.. rotten….

and I kinda liked who i was… the life i had… the experiences i was fortunate to have had… i didn’t brag about it… but it was always just my real life…..its the life that really happened….its what  really happened… and it wasn’t always perfect.. but for the most part.. I was really blessed… and I think my real genuine friends actually liked me just the way i was…. at least i hope they did….
who knows havent been able to reach them….. 
I realized after speaking to  a videoversion of a skype from scott renshaw… my old roomate… that I probably haven’t spoken to any of my freal friend or family for however many years these criminals have been messing with my phones.. it could even be from the moment i moved in here… is that possible?.. since 1999????? or is it jsut cell phones… or what????anyway… when i think of it.. i break down..i miss having  real genuine conversations.. with the  real people who actually love you….who actully want the best for you… anyway fake skype. as welll .. Rotten!!!

Can you imaginge?… never being able to actually speak to the people who love you but possibly speaking to the manipulative people who may or may not make your life better or worse…. then of course there are all the manipulated situations.. they could be nice and good or horrible….

I was actully ambushed a bunch of times…where  there were horible expereinces that still haunt me even til  today…  


So tonight Mr. Dee was supposed to be at church at 5pm… I got 3-5 emails telling me to meet him their.. no emails from him… but each email sent to me was a bit diferent… signed differntlyadn typing style ws even diferent… sn none of the emails were actually really telling me to meet him.. but telling me he would be there…

Since the ent
ire horrible valentines day experience… with more bullyemails and bully calls.. i know how much these girls can manipulate… adn it made me wonder… good expereince or bad expereince…. and why???? what is in it for the emailer…???I dont know  Mr Dee well enough to know if he has any potential to harm my life… he seems nice enough… but I keep hoping that he  is  as wonderful. as he seems… and could be an honest freinds… 

Anyway I  was up early this morning …  went to get the wallstreet journal at Publix.. then  ended up going  to 7am mass…  was back home saw joel osteen.. ver positive today… and even on the treadmill for an hour and half… before allthe computer glitches… later  I even showered and ready to maybe go back to church to say hi to him… but then trying to document the  problems with the  website… and now its 9:30pm…. UGGGGGGGGGGG


No matter who it is.. I always wonder “what’s in it for them” … like do these people really want soemthing nice for me.. or will this person  be another  dissapointing person who is a fake friend.. who only harms your life.. or uses me to gain something  for themselves.. or uses me to be someone I am not… 

Gosh i really miss trusting everyone.. loveing everyone.. and i really miss my friends and family…. tonight i think i was just suppose to be “kept out of the way”  the  look a like boys are all in town.. and i ‘m sure the “whore to door service girls” don’t want me in the way… at least that has always been their motivation… it is so disappointing to find  out that going to a movie or any invitation or even any job maybe the result of just  keeping me out of the way……..  so i don’t   interupt some “girl getting her boy”.. or “some boy with some girls… or what the other  wierd games these freaks play with human lives.. and human emotions ..or with relationships… or with ruining lives…

So instead.. i jsut stayed home…at least that way hopefully my tires won’t  get slashed.. or my car end up with more  dog hairs..or anything stolen.( especially if some girl neds to steal a new dressfor one of these events… or whatever they did in my clothing…. UGGG … I really hope there is a God in heaven who can fix all of this… I have no idea how in the world he can ever give me back the time, relationships and my life…. but now its been one year and over 6months for praying for no more harm.. and a huge  financial miracle… 

        
Ohhhh i really went of the origional subject.. i started this post abou the computer…  It was a really wierd day… when I was even typing in it was taking almost 11 seconds (or a bit less  at times.. but 11 seconds was the  longest I counted to see when my typing would appear on the screen…..  for the website.. or even for . that isn’t supposed to be how it works….and then  screens not functioning properly…then the “html” code not working properly……. the inserts for the facebook and other social network links… not even ending up in the same place where i dragged and dropped them.(?)… just  felt very “manipulated”…. but not by me…. UGGG !  writing on this blog feels pretty normal… at least so far! HA!….        

so who doesnt at one point in time see people they think look likes someone they know…..Did i already do a blog post on the doubleganger….?

I was blogging and typing till wee hours in the morning… then woke up so bright and chirpy(?) HA!…. and found that the american express show that i now love… that i see on sunday mornings.. is also on sat! so watched a bit… it was the same show as last week but you can always gain a little bit more info when you re-watch a  great informational and  business show right?  The information on  social media… the quote on how if someone doesn’t incorporate social media into their website and business… they may as well retire… and  i think that may be soooo true… i mean i’m a bit behind o.k. I’ll admit it….( older as in 44 years old… ) but i can see how valuable… even when i was creating the websites for the babysitting  business.. and for the etiquette school… there were so many great and innovative ways to advertise, to relate to your customer, to engage your customer and to communicate with your customer and  then allow them to interact and relate to you and your business….  and the power of the social media.. just  amazing!  

Gosh i hope i can catch up….

so this is another weird bit of information.. not sure if i should put it in this blog or in the www.mysearchforjustice.com blog ….   

I forgot to mention the other day  I got to see Gene Kelly in “An American in Paris!” also luv the new commercial where he is dancing in the back of a jetta… then I  started thinking of a ton of other shows that I love that are probably called  ‘classic”…..Lets see:
 
pretty much all the Grace Kelly movies… and luv Doris Day… and love the Gigit movies..my sister maura always liked Audrey Hepburn.. but there are some movies.. like Sabrina that i just  adore….

so many of the musicals….. I guess I just loved them  ever since my mother used to watch them with us…

maybe it is the air of innocence… or the way that the movies had these fairy tale happily ever after endings… or the way that gentlemen were gentlemen.. and ladies got to be ladies…  

But that brings me to the point I wanted  to blog about… I saw Liem Neison… on Jay Leno the other night… actually found this article online that day… and  in his interview.. he mentioned that he didn’t like tatoos on women… wow.. that comment actually made me admire his character even  more… i hope he is able to find someone really special to date and marry… I mean  of course…if he is looking to eventually meet and date….but his late wife was so amazing…i honestly dont know how he is going to do it… it must be hard…. when you’ve had a great marriage… or relationship….  

anyway….the idea of character… of having a set of ideals.. and values and morals and sticking  to them… like no tatoos… I don’t like them as well… Liem said for a woman it was like someone had already been there… and I never thought of it that way.. I just  have never liked them…. I don’t have any and I will never get any… I guess to me its just tacky… like too much jewelery… or too much eye shadow… but with tatoos you can never take them off..

so for me it was so refreshing to see that there are still gentlemen who don’t believe  in tatoos… I guess also in that way I’m a bit old fashioned.. but so be it.. it is me and it is what I like and kudos for Liem to actually mention what he doesn’t like as well!  

so speaking of gentlemen…and the difference between gentlemen and not….. its also refreshing to meet a guy who can dress well… not always dress for a formal event… ( but on my list of wishes for the perfect gingerbreadman…. he will already own a tux(HA!)) but seriously…. he should be able to have a nice wardrobe… and be able to wear it….

you know the difference when you see someone who just doesn’t feel comfortable in their clothes…. I think you have to own your style… and hopefully it is a reflection of who you are and somewhat  even what you believe about yourself… Of course there are exceptions… (I’m thinking of some days when even I don’t feel perfect in my clothes.. but for the main part.. I usually tend to dress conservatively.. and its pretty easy or at least it used  to be HA! ….to love to go shopping and dress for me…and i guess it was more of a reflection of my style and of who I am….   )
  
for example…. golfers…. sitting and watching the golfers go by my condo…I can see the many men and women  who actually look like golfers… and those who look like they are “trying out a style”..and it just  doesn’t fit…and I’m not talking about their  swing.. or anything to do with actually playing golf.. but just  their style… 
 

So  my mom would have loved to hear about these movies… this past sunday… camelot….. remember the musical… on channel #74 here in naples… my mom once owned the record of it.. yes i said  record…

I remember everything… in great detail… and in my childhood my mother loved music and musicals.. carosel,  camelot those were a few of the actual long playing records we had in saudi…… then of course we got to go and see the broadway musicals she loved… most of the time we saw them on the trips  back and  forth.. when we went  through New York for flights… when we first moved to saudi… we had nice long layovers… for shopping.. and the theater shows…..and  museums… she was a great person to show us the arts… whynot she also showed us many of the wonders of the world… whynot a few mucicals in New York…..HA!the  musicals we had the chance to see… lets see if i can remember all of them..
there was:
The king and I
Godspell
West side story
annie
the wiz
Greece
I’m trying to remember all of them… I may have to ask my mother or sisters…. if  they  remember them…. but so many times everyone gets all the real stories wrong…  so we will wait and see…..

Anyway… another movie that I had never seen before.. that I jsut  adored… was called “Daddy Long legs” with Fred Astair  with  the women who was in Gi Gi … (can’t remember her name)  I should I inserted the song from gigi about litle girls for the etiquette school….. anyway…   the movie… daddy long legs…about  an orphan who had a sponser… then of course she later fell in love with  her sponser…. and it was a happily ever after movie…. wealthy older man who has everything but love… finds the love of his life was right under his nose…. ( good movie trailer clip huh? ) anyway… I could use a great and wonderful daddy long legs …. someone with class.. style and sofistication…. well educated.. articulate….nice… no issues or problems…. Oh… the same list of criteria…  I’ve been hoping to meet since i was 14 or 15 years old…HA!
There haven’t been many new entries in my eharmony….guess the gingerbread man for me doesn’t exist?  

Also fun movies to watch/walk on the  treadmill: “Little black book”…. the issues of ommison of truth… about -X- boyfriends and  girlfriends….  I dont lie.. whether it is a lie or not to omit bits of informaiton… I tell the truth… when asked…so it makes it easier telling the story of my life….HA!….

I know some people think that is too nerdy… old fashioned… or whatever… but hopefully when  you meet the right person.. i mena the absolutely right person for you….. they should know  the real you… 

Anyway… it’s a shame the actress in the movie(little black book)  died.( in real life). She seemed like she had so much life to live… and parts to play…. I think she even had two small children…

see.. this is where i get a bit confused as to a “just God”…. why did she die.. when stinky criminals and bullies are allowed to prowel around the earth and wreck lives?  Doesn’t make sense….  but somehow i still believe… and i still pray… and i still think that everyone has the right to a fairy book…. fairy tale….. happily ever after life…..